I think i have figured out the way to make it through the next few months.

Here is the key: stay home.

It's pretty amazing the kind of thought-actions that you can accomplish in one simple day of staying home.

Take today for example. i stayed home. computers, right? so i decided to do some things that i never seem to have time for while at work. namely, to think.

Today i thought about the next four months, and the high and mighty things that i could achieve in that time. sounds like setting up for dissapointment eh? well, nevertheless i set some goals and wrote every thing down, took notes and stuff.

I'm even thinking about writing this stuff down on three by five cards and carrying them around with me all the time. one for every day. each card contains goals and special information based on what day it is. i might even do like ron used to, back when we were in college. he would make a list of things to do and add really funny items like "dust a cop off" or something. maybe they were actually funnier than that. i remember them being funnier.
- posted by Turok @ 5:10 PM

 

- posted by Turok @ 2:56 PM

 
[Your Departure has Arrived]
My cowoker ( i have written about her before ) arrived at Noon today. i was here at 9.

Given the circumstances, that makes me feel rather awkward.
- posted by Turok @ 1:14 PM

 
[This just in]

So i swing by Alfa-boy's cube. he's the guy that is hardly in the office, always out working on projects in other cities. i guess i should call him travel-boy, except that he has (at least) 2 alfa-romeos and keeps them here in the parking garage (just like me and my vehicles).

We shoot it about chicago, cause out here the weather they have is actually weird and interesting (?) and he was just there. he asks if he missed anything. i mention the 'massive restructuring' and he says he knows about that. i say we are all expecting another round of layoffs in the future. then:

He says "you heard about the hedging error, right?"
me: uh...
him: yeah, on the [censured] Project with the technology they were using they were actually selling loans at a loss and did not know it for a while. it was like a 425 million dollar loss.
me:
him: oops i got a meeting, i'll come find you later.
me: dude.
- posted by Turok @ 1:10 PM

 
[Oatmeal is for Sukkahs]
Man, things have been stressful lately.
I'm Pissed.
And my back hurts.
And I'm joing a place that teaches you how to hit things.
Life is soon going to be very perfect.

Do you want the whole story, or just the crazy interludes?

Did you guys see that thing about L.H.Oswald? What was with that guy. You realize now, that if that happened we would be in an uproar about "failed intelligence" (both the FBI and CIA had large files on him).
God, he was born like 40 years too early. Ahead of what should have been his time.*

* In no way is the President of the United States being threatened.
- posted by Turok @ 12:13 PM

 
[Basketball is for youts]
Yesterday morning I went and played basketball (see item #2 below). i had not played since i was a kid really, and i wondered if i could still do it.

Funny thing was that it all came back to me, not what you are thinking. i don't mean i started playing like MJ again, what came back was the kind of awkwardness found in a 12 year old trying to dribble a basketball, trying to make a basket (way harder than you think). i could still kinda do some free throws. body memory is strong.

Did this just for fun, to warm up for a workout, something different. went up for a shot and *twang* goes muscle in my back. nice. stretch it out as best i can. fuck. go and do sit-ups and more stretching.

Before I do sit ups I sit in the stretch room (which was oddly packed yesterday). i kinda sit in this 'mediation' pose, i'm sure there's a name for it, but i'll just have to describe the posture. and i have no idea why this is important.

Basically you just sit on your feet. your shins go under your thighs and your butt is over your feet. got it?

So i'm sitting there, cooling off sweating after my back-breaking-b-ball, just sitting in this pose staring ahead, place is packed and just as this woman walks by, i interrupt my 'mediation' by ripping an enormous fart, the kind that practically echos across the packed room. farts are terrible things when there is no one around to laugh at them with you.

But that was not what i was really going to talk about. i went to work yesteday. work is really sucking these days. i dread going in the past few days. my boss is a jerk and i have not even spoken with him about being selected for non-active duty. it makes me really mad.

Steph and I went out and did some boozing/burger. he's on the verge of getting a job which is cool, and he has been really good about helping me get some perspective (i.e. not encouraging violence).
I woke up about 3.30am with dry mouth and got up and got some water. then i think i laid in bed for hours, back hurting, emotionally stewing. feeling like crap. fantacizing about getting some damn justice (in a bushian kind of way).

I finally slept, with the warmy loveness of a heating pad, which i'm not sure does a damn thing except make you feel nice. and here I am bloggin in bed, heating pad cranking away under my back. oh, and i'm not going to work today. i think i'm going to make a habbit of this. that and kickboxing.

- posted by Turok @ 9:02 AM

 
[The Transition]

In the next few days and weeks, you may feel frozen and unable to act. You may be avoiding the anticipated pain of contacting others and being rejected.

Stay active. Idle time breeds depression. Exercise - it will make you feel good an dimprove your self image.

Mobilize your support system including your spouse and family.

Don't overlook your partner's reaction to your transition. They may be more anxious and worried than they are letting on.

Set up a daily schedule and stick to it. Establish a routine that is as close as possible to the one you kept on the job.

Don't sit at home waiting fot he phone to ring.

EXamine your family budget and decide what wxpenditures can be cut. Even if you have a relatively long severance package, it is best to conserve.

Be prepared to have som so-called friends disappoint you. There may be people whom you thought were friends but who will drift away, leaving letters unanswered or phone calls unreturned now that you are no longer in a position to help them.

Make a "job" out of looking for a job. Your task is to package and market yourself. Fro example, contract with yourself to make five phone calls each day. Even if you don't hti paydirt on a given day, it will give you a goal and you can feel good in reaching it.

Ask yourself if you have become overinvested in your career. You may benefit from becoming less emotionally involved with your professional life an dmore involved with your family and outside interests.

in case you are wondering, i made none of this up.
- posted by Turok @ 4:14 PM

 
speaking of which, get your evil child toy now!

and on another note....I was thinking of holding an ebay auction for all the items currently in my office.
For example: I take pictures of stuff here in the office, then offer it for sale on ebay! Like here is some electronic gismo on my neighbors desk, don't know what it is but it could be yours! good idea?

Also: "Sir" Paul disregards own advice and re-releases Let It Be...Naked.
- posted by Turok @ 11:20 AM

 
Southern California thanks firefighters for risking their lives to save vacation homes. No one shows up.
- posted by Turok @ 10:40 AM

 
[Defiance is the final stronghold of the weak]


- posted by Turok @ 2:12 PM

 
[I've Fallen]
So when was the last time that you fell down? sure you have probably had a close call or two, a slip, a catch in the nick-o-time, a stumble, a trip! but that's not what i'm talking about. i'm talking about hitting the deck, making contact with the ground, the real deal. let's just say i feel a little less than graceful these days.

First i guess i should give a little background. i am huge. bending over to tie my shoes has become an ordeal. my enormous belly presses against my diaphram and cuts off my ability to breath so that shoe tying becomes something akin to deap sea abalone diving.

That and the fact that i have just returned from a trip visiting family members where the median age was about 82. people of this generation struggle through all types of health issues, as i'm sure you know, and the other half of the time is spent 1. putting down people who have less faculties than them or 2. gossiping about what losers the young and healthy really are. well ok, i'm exaggerating a little but it's not far from the truth.

Oh, back to my point. i take a shower this morning after a fitful sleep finally back in my own bed. soaping up, wash the feet...i tend to be kind of a negative thinker in the morning. people confuse this with being a grouch but the truth is that there is a little demon in my head controlling my thoughts, and he says awful things until i wash him out of there with hot soapy water and caffiene.

Next thing i know and there is a sound like someone using a squeegee on a window whirrruuuuup! and suddenly in this amazing slow-motion helpless ballet i am losing my balance and i reach out to the shower curtain which provides nothing but yield so then my left arm reaches out in his direction (read 'flail') and manages to clear the shelf of all shower condiments without even pretending gain any stability there.

I end up rocking back and forth in the tub as i go down, just like dropping bowling ball in it, back and forth. i hit my thigh and hip on the side of the tub and really go down now, oddly having plenty of time to imagine impaling the back of my head on the water spout. with this thought i curl up like a porcupine, rolling back and forth in the tub, shower condiments flug all over and finally come to a stop.

On the way down i felt totally helpless. i realized that in a way we spend our whole lives to *not* feel that way. that we work all these years to provide some kind of security and comfort that can be ripped away faster than you can say whoops!. helpless in a way that i knew this effort was in vain and a big lie, that i am vulnerable, always. and will, like elders of my family face this with grim clarity. weird how time pauses to teach a lesson.




- posted by Turok @ 3:01 PM

 
[Veterans Day]

	My Great Uncle Gus Edward Bubenzer flew as navigator/bombadier in a A-20 Havoc and was shot down over France where he was taken in by French resistance.
	Here is a picture of him, far right. Looks pretty happy-go-lucky, no?

I have heard the story of Uncle GE being shot down over france nearly all of my life.
In the past few years, he has really changed and will tell the story to anyone that will hear it. Now you can be one of those people

S/SGT. GUS BUBENZER - MAY 27, 1944

"We were flying an A-20 as part of the first box and had flown over enemy territory for about 15 minutes, when we ran into intense anti-aircraft fire. The barrage of flak was heavy and the very first shell exploded with amazing accuracy in our formation. Several planes were hit. Suddenly I realized that our plane had been hit. The right engine had been knocked out; the electrical and hydraulic systems were damaged and there was a fire in the bomb bay...

Or, if you prefer the more pictures, less reading version.

- posted by Turok @ 4:13 PM

 
[ On the Fence]
I have been looking at Howard Dean as a candidate for president, but he never really resonated with me.
Until now.

Finally he has embraced rednecks and specifically guys "with Confederate flag decals in their pickup trucks." and well, we all know this is where i'm headed.

But this guy sums it up best:
Allow me to paraphase..." I want all you rednecks out there that think dubya is yer man to vote for me!" Maybe he can learn a few guitar licks from "Sweet Home Alabama" or "All My Rowdy Friends". You cannot get a redneck to vote for anyone other than Bush! It simply cannot be done. It's a law of physics! Just turn on CMT (if you can stand it) and notice all the supprt for Bush. These people eat their young...look what they tried to do with the Dixie Chics.

Oh, and yeah, I am going to Indiana this weekend. Since that thing with Reagan did not pan out, I figure what's the point? sorry baby
- posted by Turok @ 3:22 PM

 
To: Nick
Subject: Re: GMC

Hi Nick,

Odometer reads 19,870. I believe the actual mileage is 119,870. I have
personally put on about 30,000 miles in the 6 1/2 years I've owned her. I
believe I'm the third owner. Measures about 23'-24' from front to rear
bumper.

Cheers,
Bill
To: Bill
Subject: Re: GMC

Bill,
Thanks for getting back to me. Do you know if it has the 700R4
Transmission (with overdrive)?
Also kinda curious about what kind of fuel economy the thing gets
piggy-backing the camper.

Oh, and don't be afraid to be honest, my 84 mustang convertibel gets 10mpg
(no kidding)! =)

And where is the beast located? I would like to check it out perhaps next
week, as I am out of town visiting family this weekend.
thanks
Nick


To: Nick Adams
Subject: Re: GMC

Nick,

Turbo350 tranny. About 8 mpg going 75 mph, camper fully loaded, pulling a
Geo. Suisun City.

Let me know when you want to stop by. I just paid for the new tags so
they're good till Nov next year.

Cheers,
Bill


- posted by Turok @ 2:58 PM

 
well, it's back
My crazy obsession with living in a van is rearing its ugly head once again.

I try and listen to the advice of friends, hell i have even blogged that advice here. you remember what beck said right?

I guess with all this talk about Trucker and In God We Truck and what-not I have sort of progressed in my ideas somwhat.

Think of the money you would save!

Well, if there is a god, I call it GMC.





- posted by Turok @ 2:23 PM