[Just a good Ol' boy]
Looks like I'm not the only one with a taste for the finer things in life.
You will, of course, remember that the famous Daisy Duke drove her white jeep all over Hazzard County, right after her cousins Beau and Luke drove her other car off a cliff.

Note the yellow ribbon on the front




- posted by Turok @ 1:40 PM

 
[Stacks O' Green Paper]


- posted by Turok @ 1:29 PM

 
Well other than the chair, and watching that 5 hour Ghandi movie not too much has been happening.
Maybe it's the "where the hell is spring" kind of depressing lull that we are all feeling at the moments.
But days are broken up by little fun things like BnA's Baby, and Korak's great input:

Your look expressed many things: shock, disgust, confusion....how had the hot, sexy woman you had just had sex with deteriorated while you slept? I wanted to tell you that it was all a dream, a bad, bad dream that you would wake from and never remember, but I couldn't. I was too busy trying to pull up my pants while slamming the door in your face.

It's terrible, you should not read that. Korak is a bad influence on us all.
But my friends just *love* those poopey stories.

- posted by Turok @ 3:17 PM

 
[Nick Sues for Defamation]
Nick Chair

Folding chair NICK $9.99

(price reflects selected options) website prices may vary from store prices.

- posted by Turok @ 10:08 AM

 
[Bacon is love]

I just fried up a steak in bacon grease. damn it was dee-licious.

You ever do something like that? take something perfectly good, then fry it in bacon grease just for the sheer decadence of it? ( this excludes all "mikes" )

I was working out at the gym and all i could think about was a steak.

My new diet: Eat anything you want as long as each food group is eaten 2 hours apart. yeah?
- posted by Turok @ 6:02 PM

 
[Let me just recommend something]
So my job has not been really all that taxing lately. kind of like: I have a place to go every day and is heated, as good light, several computers and free highspeed internet access. oh, and i have to show up every day. mostly.
That said I have discovered filesharing in a big way. it's amazing how many gigs you can eat up with stupid videos from the internet. i honestly have not even had time to view all of them. of course some of them are not really appropriate for the work environment and should be viewed only in the privacy of ones home. or the restroom at work of you can manage that.
Oh...my point. i hate to even mention this because i actually believe that *you* the gentle reader have way more sense than to need this advice, but I will give it just the same.
If you ever go through the "download everything in sight" phase, i strongly encourage you to resist the tempation to download the snuff films that you will inevitably come across. if you don't know what a snuff film is, call your mother right now, tell her that you love her and that she has done a wonderful job, and that you are grateful.
If you are not sure which of the videos you are downloading might be snuff films, you are in luck! often these video named in the format: snuff_filename.mpg something like that.
See how helpful that is.
Again, you want to avoid downloading and viewing files that have the word "snuff" in there. look carefully and you will be rewarded!
- posted by Turok @ 2:24 PM

 
[For Scott]

From: The Best of CraigsList.com
“Careful! Poop on there!”


This is the most embarrassing day of my life. I thought it was yesterday when I shit myself at work. But no. It was today.

Going to the dry cleaner this AM… just like every other day. I have few pair of pants and a shirt. Except this time, one of my pairs of pants has a little bit of diarrhea on it.

I walk in and there is the usual wait. Can’t have two people on register? Nope. That means two people would have to speak English and why speak English when your already fluent in Cantonese.

So I see my friend Jenn in there. Well she not really my friend but we hang out at the same bar on the weekend. I buy her drinks and try to fuck her, she acts interested, talks to me and gets free drinks all night. (Hey it works for us). Point is she’s real pretty.

So I get up to front of line and give the little Chinese lady my clothes. First thing she does is go right for the soiled pants. What this? She asks herself out loud Cantonese/English pointing at soiled part. She leans over a bit and makes a loud sniffing noise. Not that she put to her nose but just leaned over enough and sniffed to make the point. “Oh that poop on there”

Jenn is standing behind me. I don’t know how her face or reaction was to this. I can only imagine. I did not dare turn around. I could feel my ears getting hot and my forehead sweating; my body was a statue. I just stood there thinking. How can either lie my way out of this or get out of here very quickly without anyone seeing me.

"There not mine" I say very weakly almost whispering to her. She looks at the tag in back checking out the measurements. Then looks over counter at my waist. "You 34 waist" I don't answer. She gives a knowing smirk. My stomach drops again, my ears getting hotter.

Oh it gets better! While I am standing there paralyzed. The Chinese lady had reached under register and had slipped on some latex gloves. To my horror she picks up my clothes, holding them away from her body and started to walk towards back. One of her co-workers reached over to take my toxic filth from her. But being a considerate Chinese lady she could not allow him to do that. “Careful, Poop on there!”

Chuckles in the store in the store got to the point of laughter. One nice fellow, excused himself from the store as not to laugh directly in my face. (Thank you sir, sincerely) As she walked my filth into the backroom, she did not disappoint. We could hear the echo. “Careful, poop on there” This of course turned escalated the chuckles back into laughter.

“Tin-PA wung GA de-reet-ie CHA” She translated. Hey, the Chinese guys should get to laugh at me too.

- posted by Turok @ 2:49 PM

 
{More Hysteria]

- posted by Turok @ 5:14 PM

 
Ever want to wear you dead loved one on your finger? perhaps in a set of earrings?
The bad news is, now you can! or is that the good news?

Yes, finally you can turn the charred remains of those you love into a LiveGem (tm)!!
works for pets too!
- posted by Turok @ 11:55 AM