Block stump(ed) stupid.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Funny to look back and see how long this blog has been around. Run its course it has, been replaced with other things. Web 2.0 "The Social Web" screaming babies...
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Hey a big congratulations and shout out to EXXON Mobile! Yes our friends who had that nasty accident WAY back in ancient history (Palin denies they even exist) are back in the news! This time is record profits! Woo Hoo! Profits up 58%! Wow that's alot!
Third quarter earnings for 2008 were listed at $14.83 billion. Yep that turns out to
be about 164,777,777 per DAY for the quarter in PROFITS! Go team!
Some of the stories do note, however that Exxon is in trouble, as the world, you know, runs the fuck out of oil, War in Nicaragua "slows production", Hurricanes express god's fury at these cocksuckers etc. "But Exxon, which prides itself on its long-term view of the business, appeared unfazed by the decline."
Hrm, no kidding? Well after "Exxon’s profit has exceeded $10 billion in 9 of the last 12 quarters" I would not be that worried either.
Oh, for more great stuff on the subject:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=95465269
Monday, September 22, 2008
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Our Hero(ine). Just back from Alaska where craziness insisted on taking pregnant wife and dog (not pregnant) on a seven thousand mile odyssey 2. (often lowercase) a long series of wanderings or adventures, esp. when filled with notable experiences, hardships, etc.
A good description. I'll tell you all about it in a minute.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Just spoke with my 94 year old grandfather(ex-staunch republican).
"Well, I've been following this political deal, and I'm for Obama!"
I was blown away. Here is a guy who has probably voted republican his whole life, and here he is after Obama!
Funny how things change. Don't give up hope! We Can! or whatever.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Just got back from Japan, where I found evidence for Bob that he was right (of course).
Bob posed the question:
"Who wouldn't like the humping dog?"
Bob's boss said:
"We have a lot of global sensibilities to keep in mind,"
Well, I'm here to tell you that I have found a whole group of people who like the Humping Dog too:
Monday, December 10, 2007
Welcome Betsy to blog land. She is now two. This was from Thanksgiving where we got to watch a video of her birthday party where "Mr. Singer" was the entertainer.
Betsy is *obsessed* with Mr. Singer.
Mr. Singer all the time.
Here he is with his midget, er little person friend. The kids evidently love the midget/little guy.
Here is Grandad. I should call him "Old Grandad" like the famous bourbon.
He is 93!!
He still kicks ass and dances a jig!
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Well time for an update.
My company Pay By Touch has fallen upon hard times.
They raised 390M and have spent 590M. Oops. So off I have been looking for a new job.
And hey I found one.
Just down the street.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Hey look I just got back from Hawaii, where we celebrated our two year anniversary. What, you have not met my wife? Well, we'll have to have a party and celebrate!
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Monday, August 14, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
It's 4.30 on a friday afternoon, my head is aching from long hours staring at this computer screen. It's been a long couple of months of work, and I guess once in a while you don't realize how deeply into things you sink.
So I take a minute to stick my head above water. M&M came out for a vist and had good stories; what a pleasure to see them.
I wish we had more time, where we could sink into some other kind of mire, the more fun kind where "the rest of your life" seems so less important. Havn't had one for a while.
It's these kinds of times where you want to just open your hands and let go of all kinds of things and just hit the road, seeing how far you can go and for how many days before you hit some massive obstruction like an ocean or an ice-cap.
I have been refinishing an old table in the garage. It's been a learning experience. Let me tell you this: the people that know how to do things, and do them well are the ones that are not afraid to totally ruin something, to be willing to grind it up in the end into saw-dust and use tje saw-dust in the NEXT project. Sometimes you just have to try something a couple of times before you figure it out.
That's how it's been with me lately. Errors and trials.
I've started over several times now, and all the sanding has made the table a bit smaller than when I started. In a couple of months it should work out.
I'll keep you posted. Wish you were here.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Yesterday I took a bath. I peed in the tub.
When was the last time that you did that? Was it when you were a kid?
Yes, I just let 'er rip right there in the tub! I was kind of amazed because I had forgotten how much force is used to expell pee from the body! It's quite fascinating! expecially for a kid right? even a big one!
It had been a long, long time for me. I can't even remember the last time I had peed in the tub, but it must have surely been when I was a child.
The funny thing was that it was quite fun and liberating, just like when I was a "wee" one.
At what point did shame take over our lives and force us to quit peeing in the tub? Is child pee somehow less gross than grown up pee? well, okay I guess you can make an argument using the post-puberty thing, but I say for the well hydrated individual, adult pee is as safe to bath in as child pee!
Free yourself!
Thursday, November 18, 2004
[Click Here to KILL KILL KILL]
Ever want to just shoot something while you are sitting at you desk?
Ever want to experience the thrill of the great outdoors, but were stuck working?
Ever want to go down to Texas and blow some animals away, but it was just too far?
Ever want to...just kill something dammit, but you had to work late?
Rest easy friend, this solves your problems.
Real-Time, Online, Hunting and Shooting Experience
brought to you by your friends in Texas of course!
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Sunday, October 31, 2004
[Get your XLarge Black Hoodie on...]
Time to dig your XLarge Black Hoodie out of the closet and Vote on Tuesday.
Guerrilla of the Week
Now on the eve of the most contentious American presidential election in recent history, Eminem is making another bold statement with his song “Mosh,” and its sure to be controversial new music video produced and directed by GNN’s own, Ian Inaba. The video is premiering today here on GNN.tv
and watch the video:
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Truckerbonics test!
Please translate the following phrase:
"Look at the seatcovers in that westbound rollerskate."
Monday, September 27, 2004
Last night I had a spookey dream. I dreamt I was in a restaurant and a young bat flew into the place and was flying all over, like he couldn't find his way out.
He was flying under the chairs and stoped and you could see him breathing really hard, looking scared. so I decided to grab him and take him out of the place.
We got outside and it turned out that the reason he was lost and flying in the restaurant was that his home had been destroyed by some kind of urban development or something.
I ended up taking him way out into the country, out in this spookey woods (of course it was a deep black night!) and showing my little bat friend that he could live in the hollow of this giant tree that was still standing, but hollow all the way up.
I think that is when he bit me. he bit me then flew into the tree. the bite was mild like a mosquito bit. it itched a little bit, but i did not hold it against the little guy. later I went home and discovered that I had rabies.
Friday, September 24, 2004
Today is my 10 Week Anniversary of doing my Kung-Fu every day. Ok, every "workday" but that does not sound nearly as cool.
50 times in two and a half months?
Should I keep going and make it an even three months? that sounds way better than 10 weeks doesn't it?
I am kinda tempted to quit all this physical activity and just start smokin again. it's amazing how exercising this much can just make you feel decrepit.
Jam Master Jay is hard as Hell!
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Oceania was at war with Eurasia: therefore Oceania had always been at war with Eurasia. The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil, and it followed that any past or future agreement with him was impossible.
1984
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
God! I just figured out that Korak is "Korak, Son Of Tarzan"!!
| BTW I am changing my name to: please make of note of it. |
 |
[Bored at Work]Staring at a computer is boring. after a while even
boredatwork
is boring. you dig? but then again
helps to releive a little of the boredom. check it out, it might help you too.
I thought i would check out the Guided by Voices big break-up farewell tour, but there's no damn story there, Pollard is just ending GBV. do drama. boring.
Boring day makes me which i had taken that job as a lumberjack up in canada. or become that musician thing i was thinking about way back then. maybe the buddhist scholar? that seemed like a good thing to do with your life, right? boring.
What do you want to be on Boring Day?
Monday, September 20, 2004
Ifin' I was The Onion I would post a story with this title:
God finally punishes florida for election debacle
In a belated, but hellish move, God attempts to destroy the Gomorrah-like state of Florida with three successive hurricanes after the 2000 presidential election.
If it is true that 'revenge is a dish best served cold' then the Master Chef has created a real "Big Night" with a three year delay on this triple whammy...
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
[Wrong Number]
So yesterday i realized that i was supposed to pick someone up from the airport (sorry baby!) and totally forgot. two days have gone by at this point and i figure i should call them and give some kind of reason right?
I'm at work, so i don't have my rolodex, and i can't check personal email at the Nazi Asylum(tm) so i can't look up old emails with their number either, so i'm left to memory on this one (a phone book is no good for this vagabond). so from memory i'm trying to remember the number. actually i'm doing more than that, i'm actually dialing possible numbers.
I approach it with a strategy. since i am pretty certain that i *don't* actually know the number, i know there is a high chance that i will have to make several attempts before i remember the number. my way out is this: if someone answers and it is not A. my friend or B. the friend's roomates (who all have thick Irish accents) then i say "is ANGELA home." of course ANGELA is not my friends name and the chances of there really being an Angela there seem pretty slim.
First call (and for once this is not made up) i dial the number and a woman answers:
Hello?
I realize right away that this is not my friend, so i pull out my stand-by:
Hi! I Angela home?
Woman's response:
Amanda.
There is a long pause from me, and i am pretty sure that she meant "no, you mean Amanda, right?" not "are *you* amanda?" cause i probably don't sound like any amanda you want to know. so after the pause I say:
I'm sorry?
She says:
You mean Amanda, is this the D.A.'s office?
Looking back i guess i should have played along, but it was so bizarre at the time, i did not even want to know how much drama was going on between Amanda and the D.A., you know?
It was very weird to make a wrong number call, have the person on the other end try and convice you that you were actually intending to call them, and just goofed on the name, and that you work for the District Attorney's office.
No, really I'm just looking for Angela...I think I have the wrong number.
Kinda feeble sounding, but afterward i was happy i didn't get stuck in her trap.
That reminds me...i still have to call my friend.
Monday, August 23, 2004
[I bought a Bar-B-Que]
Domestic bliss has finally taken over my life. I now own a Bar-B-Que grill. it is one of the finest things i have ever purchased in my whole life.
It's one of those little weber grills, the kind that runs off a camping bottle of propane; suitable for single apartment dwellers and guys that have fantasies of living in a van.
Did i ever mention that I have ADD? right after i wrote "living in a van" i did a search on google (suckers) and spent about 20 minutes reading about Chris Farley (rented the best of netflix also... )
I realized that my father also has massive ADD, that actually puts mine to shame. it's kind of controlable, i mean it's not like he lives in a van or anthing. he actually has a good life and all, is able to hold down a job, but like millions of americans...he suffers from Attention Deficite Disorder. anyway, when i was home last i sort of just watched him putter around the house following his stream of consciousness as it led him around the house from task to task. the main frustration that i have had with this is that you can't talk to him when he is in this frame of mind, and he seems to always be in that mindset when he is home. see the problem?
So, i have been working the new job for 2 weeks now. there was some stuff that i was going to say about that, but i'm not sure what it was. feel free to ask questions.
I have been experimenting with packing my lunch. this involves hours of cooking on sunday night. so far it has been good. K and I have a bottle of wine and make lunches for the week, it makes it fun, and now with a BBQ well, now i'm grilling like a mofo!
Thursday, August 12, 2004
i have started the new job, and after waiting for several days for a computer, a place to sit, an email address, network connection, i am finally mostly hooked up.
they block the network so that you can’t check email and what not, which is kid of lame, right? maybe that’s why the guy a couple of cubes over is known to cry every day. he is also known to make “bodily function” noises too, which kind of kills any sympathy the people around him might have had.
you think a guy like that would get let go? just because he is troubled, potentially unstable, and gaseous? personally i would pull and intervention and make the poor soul seek help.
you know that guy that walked into 101 california st. ten years ago and “sprayed” the law offices of Pettit & Martin with bullets killing 8 and wounding 6? well maybe he started out as that guy who cried everyday in the office. and every day his co-workers listened to him, and put on their headphones and turned up the volume. maybe.
maybe he was crazy and felt screwed over by the world. and when his bank account got down to about $1,000 he went to a Las Vegas pawn shop and spent his remaining money on 2 Intratec TEC-9 semi-automatic pistols, a Colt .45, lots of ammo and a black gym bag. officials found that he had $10.82 in his bank account at the time of his death (self-inflicted, after the slayings).
so yep, the first week at work has got me thinking pretty positive!
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
[I am a Special Person]
So i have decided to change a little bit, the job strategy. hunt that is. i am unemployed and very half assedly looking for a new job.
I have trolled through all these really boring looking jobs posts, even interviewed for a soul-sucking POS. and now i have changed the search parameters.
Instead of searching for my previous "job title" i am now searching for the words SPECIAL PERSON.
You would be amazed at a couple of things. first is how many job postings contain the phrase SPECIAL PERSON. in my local on-line wonderland there are 137 job postings containing the phrase. cool huh? the other interesting thing is that it seems that most of the really shitty, underpaid or free jobs require that SPECIAL PERSON.
Let's take a look that what kind of jobs await me, that SPECIAL PERSON!
Inside Sales $72,000-$150,000 first year!!
Hey, they even say it's not a pyramid scheme! must not be then! uh, anyone ever see that movie Boiler Room? ok, what else...
Caretaker for disabled man in 50's
This is more what i would expect to see. some nice person to run errands and clean up after those unfortunate little accidents and what not. but at the end of the ad, of course: Femail preferred. yep, hey, and why not wear this special little outfit i got here too!
Come Turbo Charge our Engine!!!
Now, this one wins my personal prize for best headline. it sounds kinda fun-sexy-cool! if the job were to really turbocharge (oneword) and engine it would be a righteous-fun job, no? course not. it's for a "loan processing" job and I quote "This position is the perfect job for nosy busybody types in this industry." well, whatever the industry, i'll think i'll get my nitro-blown funny-car kicks elsewheres.
FIRE PREVENTION OFFICER
Now here is a great one! how can you go wrong with that? let's face it. the type of job you do is pretty much based on how you feel about expressing it to others. because that does not make sense, let me give you an illustration. when you be at a cocktail party and some fine young thing happens to be reaching into the fridge at the same time and you strike up a conversation, you want to have power and authority that comes from the confidence of being proud of what you do. say this out lound while you imagine your fine young thing. "Yeah, really! I'm a Fire Prevention Officer. I prevent fires....but I know how to start them too, if you know what i'm saying...."
Research Assistant for the Gorilla Foundation / Koko.org
Yes, that's right folks. it takes a SPECIAL PERSON to work with gorillas right? i would do this job in a heartbeat if it weren't for the knowlege of american sign language part. too bad it's not "must be willing to wrestle gorillas" man i would be the guy! man! that would be great (see illustration above re: cocktail party)
And when i search for my own name i get this:
I Need an Ex-Wife
I need someone with the following skills: Organization, house management, bill paying, organizing a complicated life, laundry, scheduling appointments, organizing a house, skilled in grocery shopping, closet and garage organization, gift wrapping, etc. That is, all the skills it tkes to run a house (and quite frankly get mine back in order!). Pay commenserate with experience. Thanks for your help! (925) 708-2267. Nick.
sigh.
Sunday, June 13, 2004
A big HUGE shout out and Congratulations to our very own ROBO-MONKEY for going through her graduation this weekend.
You're the best! don't worry about the diss, it will practically finish itself, trust me!
Friday, June 11, 2004
[There was something else i was going to tell you...]
First I will answer a question: why quit boozing for a month?
Answer: path of self improvement.
What I learnt in that time: booze is bad for you in many ways. besides the tons of extra calories it provides (main motivation) it pretty radically changes your social interactions which can lead to kind of weird things. like people in your life that you mostly interact with in a non-sober way. boozing makes things more confused sometimes. and right now I feel confused, so...
The good news is that someone (a close and old friend (you bastard!)) recently accused me of haveing (and I quote) "that ADD H D, what's it called" (*and* referred to it as this *every* time!)
Fast forward a couple of months, and i say, okay let's see about this. so i find one of these online tests, which could be straight from Cosmo (what kind of lover are *you*?) but anyway i get through it.
Let me first ask you if this makes sense. in order to do this on-line self-diagnosis i had to take 2 separate tests that were each 100 questions long.
Let me repeat that. I had to answer 200 questions to get a self diagnosis of ADD. on two seperate tests.
I was truly surprised that there was not some javascript bos availble that just said click here if you are thinking "oh fuck it! this is too long!"
I mean, christ, I *know* I have ADD, that's why I'm here right? ADD people can get through a test like this! christ!
In the middle of this I did like three different things, made coffee, cleaned the toilet, and something else. i forget. fuck.
Oh, so the results say
"ADD Inattentive Type -- High probability"
"Limbic System Hyperactivity -- High probablility".
Oh, it also says it's a good idea to have a close person take the test for you and compare the results. so go for it!
The Inattentive Type: Very responsive to stimulants. (cools!) Here's a weird bit, the author of this says that "nutritional intervention can be especially helpful" with a "high protein, low carbohydrate diet that is relatively low in fat" and check this out! When Mike and I decided to "GO ATKINS!" I found that my mood really evened out and that I felt much more awake in the morning (as apposed to the normal, cranky, where's my coffee). my research supports the thesis.
Fuck, okay, see? i was right. i was about to write all about the other one, some stuff on the limbic system but the middle D is taking over and you'll have to read it for yourself.
There was something else i was going to tell you...
Oh yeah! Ray Charles is dead at 73. Noam Chomsky is 73. get it while you can.
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Well, okay pedro, it *has* been a long time. well, you know i quit the booze for a month and well, without it, i'm not much you know? that and the fact that i was totally suicidally depressed for thirty some odd days, and did you really want to hear all all about that? no. i thought not.
By the way, more on TRON.
which i think looks way better all capitalized (and not just by those video games)
TRON (something to be feared) was a pretty mediocre movie put out by Disney. oh, speaking of mediocre (a disgusting vegetable) read this review by the big-fat-what-kind-of-surgery-did-you-undergo-anyway Roger Ebert
Tron
By Roger Ebert, 4.0 stars out of 4
The interior of a computer is a fine and private place, but none, I fear, do there embrace, except in TRON, a dazzling movie from Walt Disney in which computers have been used to make themselves romantic and glamorous. Here’s a technological sound-and-light show that is sensational and brainy, stylish, and fun.
What? this guy is a famous movie critic? read that first sentence. what is he doing there? bustin' out a little rhyme? "...but none, I fear, do there embrace..." really, Roge. what were you trying to do there? wow us with a little flowery shakespearian run-on?
You coulda just said that the movie rocked in it's really weird way.
100 5mm cannons are about to go off for Reagan. I hate being topical like this, but could we have found something more appropriate, like launching a first strike on some one(s)?
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Monday, April 12, 2004
[I hate it so much, I would not even wipe my butt with it]
Ok, so i admit that i have not been blogging much lately, and for good reason probably.
Truth is, i'm a synic, and i don't spell good. nor grammar, and sometimes blogging is depressing. if you don't belive me, look at the Yee-Haw! Austin bloggers Round up photos for proof:
http://www.blogger.com/BloggerNews/SXSW2004/SXSW.html
I mean which of these people would you trade lives with? me personally, i would trade with the sign. but it's kinda retro-chic and the new owners would probably tear me down eventually.
Maybe it's been me that has been depressing of late. but i think the transition from job to know job blow job. shit. just "no job" really, is now complete-ish and i am working on the groove.
Goals. must have them.
1. "Do one important thing every day"
2. "Wing it alot"
Ok, this might need some 'splainin' (just watched this cool thing re: "I love Lucy!"). item number one. when unemployed, it is very important that you keep your shit together. i do of course mean "keep your shit together" helpful means for this are chanting this phrase while you shave in the mirror, staring at your new best friend-companion-and goal achiever! "keep your shit together!" call yourself "little buddy" mix it up. don't quit. put out. you have to put out. no one will do this for you. "keep your shit together" little buddy!
Speaking of which, you know the guy that played "Gilligan" on "Gilliagan's Island" (bob denver, roit?) was actually a "quiet, introverted, intelligent man"? i personally doubt that very much, or he would have most certainly blown his head off with a cheap pawn-shop .38 Special (smith and wesson), having the patience and forethought to wait the five days.
Goal attainment number two. "Wing it alot" this might seem obvious to you. but really it is not. if you are getting in the requisite chants, achieving goal number one, and "keeping your shit together" you might forget that it's ok to totally let go. play three hours of video games a day for a week! (ONLY if you never do this) who gives a rat's ass? watch movies as much as possible. read on the toilet. drink a beer first thing in the morning (ONLY if you never do this). can you see how important it is to wing it? last night i dreamt that i was on a motorcycle trip. if you have never done this, let me tell you what the big picture is on motorcycle trips. jesus cramps new paragraph
Motorcycle trips go like this. they embody the big goal number two. get motorcycle, some time away from your life (by doing several sets of goal number one, see how everything is linked, god i'm close to enlightenment here) and maybe a map of the state you live in. now go! just wander!
In about a day or so you will start to feel your "real" life drop away. nothing matters the way it did yesterday. you have found a real freedom. you have actually *given* this to yourself, not found it. you gave it to yourself when you said "wander", "just go" do what you want. ride. don't ride. you are completely in control. suddenly you feel free like you have not felt in months and what comes with that is intense happiness, you smile alot. you joke with people you meet. you see the dilemma that they live in. you regonize it as your own. you wonder how you can keep this wonderful feeling. you get home and it goes away. you see it slipping and it makes you very pleasantly sad, like the end of an acid trip you spent with your friends way back in college. you vow to keep doing these kinds of activities.
Shit, so my point was that i had a dream where i had this feeling. rad right? but i totally forget what my point was, and let's face it this whole blog was going to be about this toilette paper that i bought cause it seemed like a good deal, but really wasn't in the end. i mean that's the only way that the title of this post would make any real sense right?
In conclusion then: "Do one important thing every day" "Wing it alot" "Don't skimp on toilette paper, you deserve better".
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Elivs Had one
So did Hank
They don't look look like money
They look like the bank
I think Fred Eaglesmith is completely overlooked. He fill this gap between Tom Waits and Bruce Springstein. He is quirky and pop like, but dark and not for the radio. but country. maybe that's why you have never heard of him. because he is real country. he sings about a real america (via canada, heh) but about a real world just the same. it's grit for sure, about dogs and gasoline. and of course love.
His career and his music make a great parallel, an even keel, a true line, a straight track. nothing fancy, but a nice turn of phrase.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
[Green Pastures; is the place to be! ]
After miserating for a couple of days, I wake up to this email from a past co-worker:
Subject: QA job @ [company-name].com
Nick:
What's your work situation these days? Still doing QA? Looking for greener
pastures? Lemmie know, if so. There just might be a QA position coming open here
very soon.
-F
And just like that everything turns, the mood lifts and I can be nice again. are we always so carried around by our fickle feelings?
Monday, March 22, 2004
This is my last week at work.
Sunday night I went in and cleaned out my desk.
I was feeling pretty weird abou that; I wish it would end quickly. I have nothing to do. but sulky i guess.
Something sad about cleaning out the desk, i mean what do i do with the "one year pin" they gave me?
Well, I guess the only thing to do is to take some office supplies, and go enjoy my new life of unemployment!
Saturday, March 20, 2004
[Beautifully Morbid]
This from blogofdeath.com:
Mercedes McCambridge
Carlotta Mercedes Agnes McCambridge, who Orson Welles once called "the world's greatest living radio actress," died on March 2 from natural causes. She was 87.
She is known for her amazing voice. I heard her last night on the radio being interviewed by Terri Gross. This woman was amazing, as *so* serious about what she did.
By the way one of her starring roles was the voice of the Devil in the Exorcist.
She talked at length, and gave eerie examples of this work during the interview. amazing. She describes at length how, in order to get the famous "vomit scene" she would actually partially ingest raw eggs and other nasty stuff and actually wretch and vomit onto a tarp covering microphones.... don't belive me?
Don't let that pretty face fool yah.
update: You can listen to the interview here: NPR.ORg
Thursday, March 18, 2004
On Wednesday I found out who my new next door neighbor actually is.
He is a "Contractor" from India, here for a month. To do what you say? My job.
Interesting, no?
My boss's boss was heard going on and on about how great offshoring is because "you only have to pay them 12 dollars a day!"
Do you think it's weird that they put this guy right next to me, when they didn't have to? There are other cubes available down the hall.
Yesterday I was really pissed about all this. I could not believe how classless it was to put this guy right next to me. I can't exactly find it within me to be friendly with him.
I asked my boss who this guy was sitting in [MIA-boy's] cube. He said it was a contractor working on [the project I was going to work on when I was first hired 18 months ago]. I had to specifically ask if he was "part of our group." Meaning, doing the same job as me, and yes he is.
Boss could not get a budget for a full-time person, so this is an experiment for a month.
Amazing that you hear about all this offshoring and what-not, well, here it is, sitting right next to me, as I move to the unemployment line.
Should I call HR, or write a piece for the local paper?
Monday, March 15, 2004
I came into work today.
There has been some debate in the house as to wether this is a good idea or not.
There are exactly 12 work days until my final day here at Hell-on-earth. I think it is against my contract to say anything "disparaging" against said company. so i won't. instead I'll just give you a little realistic scenario.
My cube neighbor, essentially the only person that I can see while sitting at my desk is actually the guy who never comes to work. this complicates my tale somewhat, but let me explain.
He just celebrated, though very quietly, his one year anniversary since he last stepped foot in the office.
Maybe i should repeat that in case you are reading too fast: my cube neighbor has not been in the office for a verified (by me alone) *year*.
Still, i belive it to be wrong when i came into the office this morning (yes, eleven am is still morning) and found that they had re-assigned his cube to a contractor that wil be here "for about a month."
How would you feel if you were being laid off, and your boss assigns your cube to some random person. oh, and by the way there are two open cubes not even two cubes away, set up and ready to go. it makes no sense.
But worse than that, and maybe this is what the story is really about, is the anger; self righteous and indignant that was sparked off in me. too close to home perhaps? how dare they. it's just rude and it makes me want to year and kick up some dust.
It continues to amaze me that people will stand for just about anything. i ask a couple of people about this, one other neighbor and the IT guy who is setting up the new guy. 'yeah that's messed up.' is the shared comment.
Ultimately i believe that no one cares. after-all it's not them.
So i fume quietly for a while, wondering why "i let it affect me". i know that if i came into the office and found some little innocent contractor sitting at my desk with all my belongings stacked up, i would go totally ballistic, and i believe that just about anyone would.
So why does no one care about this one? cause the dude has not been here in a year? maybe.
I resist the temptation to send the email that says "don't even think about doing this to me" to the manager and the boss, and his boss.
The severance package should include anger managment or at least boxing classes.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
By the way if you are attempting to create a lesson plan based on the movie "Ghandi" your online resources seem somewhat Limited.
Hrm, I have had some complaints that the comments are not working properly.
Please help me diagnose this by adding your comments and letting me know if they do not show up, ok?
nick[at]adjective[dot]com
thanks
--N
Thursday, February 26, 2004
[Just a good Ol' boy]
Looks like I'm not the only one with a taste for the finer things in life.
You will, of course, remember that the famous Daisy Duke drove her white jeep all over Hazzard County, right after her cousins Beau and Luke drove her other car off a cliff.
Note the yellow ribbon on the front
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Well other than the chair, and watching that 5 hour Ghandi movie not too much has been happening.
Maybe it's the "where the hell is spring" kind of depressing lull that we are all feeling at the moments.
But days are broken up by little fun things like BnA's Baby, and Korak's great input:
Your look expressed many things: shock, disgust, confusion....how had the hot, sexy woman you had just had sex with deteriorated while you slept? I wanted to tell you that it was all a dream, a bad, bad dream that you would wake from and never remember, but I couldn't. I was too busy trying to pull up my pants while slamming the door in your face.
It's terrible, you should not read that. Korak is a bad influence on us all.
But my friends just *love* those poopey stories.
Saturday, February 21, 2004
[Nick Sues for Defamation]
Nick Chair
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Folding chair
NICK $9.99 |
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(price reflects selected options) website prices may vary from store prices. |
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
[Bacon is love]
I just fried up a steak in bacon grease. damn it was dee-licious.
You ever do something like that? take something perfectly good, then fry it in bacon grease just for the sheer decadence of it? ( this excludes all "mikes" )
I was working out at the gym and all i could think about was a steak.
My new diet: Eat anything you want as long as each food group is eaten 2 hours apart. yeah?
Thursday, February 12, 2004
[Let me just recommend something]
So my job has not been really all that taxing lately. kind of like: I have a place to go every day and is heated, as good light, several computers and free highspeed internet access. oh, and i have to show up every day. mostly.
That said I have discovered filesharing in a big way. it's amazing how many gigs you can eat up with stupid videos from the internet. i honestly have not even had time to view all of them. of course some of them are not really appropriate for the work environment and should be viewed only in the privacy of ones home. or the restroom at work of you can manage that.
Oh...my point. i hate to even mention this because i actually believe that *you* the gentle reader have way more sense than to need this advice, but I will give it just the same.
If you ever go through the "download everything in sight" phase, i strongly encourage you to resist the tempation to download the snuff films that you will inevitably come across. if you don't know what a snuff film is, call your mother right now, tell her that you love her and that she has done a wonderful job, and that you are grateful.
If you are not sure which of the videos you are downloading might be snuff films, you are in luck! often these video named in the format: snuff_filename.mpg something like that.
See how helpful that is.
Again, you want to avoid downloading and viewing files that have the word "snuff" in there. look carefully and you will be rewarded!
Monday, February 09, 2004
[For Scott]
From: The Best of CraigsList.com
“Careful! Poop on there!”
This is the most embarrassing day of my life. I thought it was yesterday when I shit myself at work. But no. It was today.
Going to the dry cleaner this AM… just like every other day. I have few pair of pants and a shirt. Except this time, one of my pairs of pants has a little bit of diarrhea on it.
I walk in and there is the usual wait. Can’t have two people on register? Nope. That means two people would have to speak English and why speak English when your already fluent in Cantonese.
So I see my friend Jenn in there. Well she not really my friend but we hang out at the same bar on the weekend. I buy her drinks and try to fuck her, she acts interested, talks to me and gets free drinks all night. (Hey it works for us). Point is she’s real pretty.
So I get up to front of line and give the little Chinese lady my clothes. First thing she does is go right for the soiled pants. What this? She asks herself out loud Cantonese/English pointing at soiled part. She leans over a bit and makes a loud sniffing noise. Not that she put to her nose but just leaned over enough and sniffed to make the point. “Oh that poop on there”
Jenn is standing behind me. I don’t know how her face or reaction was to this. I can only imagine. I did not dare turn around. I could feel my ears getting hot and my forehead sweating; my body was a statue. I just stood there thinking. How can either lie my way out of this or get out of here very quickly without anyone seeing me.
"There not mine" I say very weakly almost whispering to her. She looks at the tag in back checking out the measurements. Then looks over counter at my waist. "You 34 waist" I don't answer. She gives a knowing smirk. My stomach drops again, my ears getting hotter.
Oh it gets better! While I am standing there paralyzed. The Chinese lady had reached under register and had slipped on some latex gloves. To my horror she picks up my clothes, holding them away from her body and started to walk towards back. One of her co-workers reached over to take my toxic filth from her. But being a considerate Chinese lady she could not allow him to do that. “Careful, Poop on there!”
Chuckles in the store in the store got to the point of laughter. One nice fellow, excused himself from the store as not to laugh directly in my face. (Thank you sir, sincerely) As she walked my filth into the backroom, she did not disappoint. We could hear the echo. “Careful, poop on there” This of course turned escalated the chuckles back into laughter.
“Tin-PA wung GA de-reet-ie CHA” She translated. Hey, the Chinese guys should get to laugh at me too.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Ever want to wear you dead loved one on your finger? perhaps in a set of earrings?
The bad news is, now you can! or is that the good news?
Yes, finally you can turn the charred remains of those you love into a LiveGem (tm)!!
works for pets too!
Thursday, January 29, 2004
[OK OK!]
So KI and I went over to see the baby last night, and i must say that all the hype is really true. Double G is ridiculously gorgeous. everyone was all aglow!
We should get some pictures and put them up for everyone to see. my god so tiny. and unbelievable that they actually have a little baby.
Oh, and this is the cover of Time magazine when I was born:
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
It's probably important to say something nice about bob and anna's new baby. but i think it is also important to point out that the Pope likes break-dancing. which, is apparently spelled with a hyphen.
Friday, January 23, 2004
[Have you ever seen a Gem Sweater?]
Now that I turned 33, my jesus year, I am in search of the big thing. the thing to do with my life, you know? like if i were jesus this would be it! 12 months left, and how are you going to live out your final days?
It gets you thinking, thats for shore. i am glad though, that i have found someone very special. some one that has focus and purpose in life. that person is named leslie. enjoy her, as i have:
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You really owe it to yourself to click on the picture. really. you do. do it now. NOW! |
Here is a quote from her highschool graduating class web page:
Leslie Hall - I LIVE IN SAVANNAH, GEORGIA AND HAVE FOUNDED THE PROM QUEEN FOUNDATION OF AMERICA'S YOUTH OF AMES HIGH SCHOOL. I HAVE ALSO DESIDED THAT COLLEGE IS A WASTE OF TIME AND I PLAN ON JUST MARRING FOR MONEY AND THAT WAY I WILL NEVER HAVE TO WORK A DAY IN MY LIFE. I'm curently learning construcion and hope to move back to ames and fix up old homes for good money, honey. OH AND I want to be a organic farmer in colo. I have 2 dogs.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
[about those ads]
What does 'Ads by Google' mean?
It means that Google uses search-based technologies to match advertisements to the content and context of web pages - so the ads you see are related to the information you are viewing. The ads come from Google's base of more than 100,000 AdWords advertisers. These advertisers range from global brand name companies to small local businesses.
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
BTW, here is my new work signature file:
Thanks,
Nick Adams
Your Friendly QA Representative
/ / \/ / \ / \ You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.
Monday, December 15, 2003
Overheard at lunch
...It's a fucking cat, man! It doesn't *have* a face. You can't tell what it's thinking!
Friday, December 12, 2003
[Keeper?]
From: Nick's Girlfriend
To: Nick Adams
Subject: Mark Coleman
my brother and I talked about Mark Coleman, as my favorite UFL [Ed: UFC for Ultimate Fighting Championship, but hell, close enough] fighter,, and he said " I
like him too although he became a prowestling player... did you know????
his favorite is Don Fly... (not sure the spelling)
he said he is quite old, but very "man" like
I wondered if I saw him on TV with you....
do you know him? I am a bit currious to find him... do you think there is a tape I can rent?
XO
Thursday, December 11, 2003
[Sheet, sheet, sheet!]
Weird, man!
Another dream.
This time, i'm trying out to be a firefighter (easy, now ladies!). so i show up and they have us run foot races against each other. competition, what?
YOU! Down and to the left around the bar-b-que!
and YOU! Down and to the right around the pic-nic table!
GO!
what the hell is that? jerks.
note to mike: I am now awake
When i finally *do* get up and out of bed, i'm early to pick up my car-pool, so i go and get a coffee and bagel.
Wearin' my new shoes (Tigers) and feelin good (cause i already *had* coffee!). so i get the bagel and walk back to the car.
Squish.
Feeek. dog shit.
Son of Beech.
At this point I spend several minutes swearing loudly, scraping my shoe on everything in sight, and cursing all dog owners. i paused for a minute and thought about if i really meant that or not, turns out i did. sorry baby.
So. just so you know i tend to keep "stuff" in the car. stuff like pens, extra propane bottles that might be empty, a pair of tweesers (how the hell do you spell tweaser?) and some other stuff. maybe an old parking ticket, or a map of the state where i live.
This time it's cool though cause i had actually left a roll of paper towels in the back seat! score x 3!!!
No problem, open door, look in back seat, no paper towel roll. damn! i gave this guy a ride home and he threw it in the back, the back where the rain comes in. what, you don't understand what 'the back' means? well, i'll send ya a picture. the point is that the roll of paper towels is wet, but hell, i use them anyway. i have dog shit on my shoe after all.
My new shoes have some kind of intricate pattern on the bottom, designed especially so that dog shit can hide in the little nooks and crannies. i'm still really mad at dog owners at this point of my day.
I clean off the shoe pretty well. but i don't know if you remember your last encounter with dog shit, but "pretty good" really does not go as far as it does in other areas. visibly it looks clean. i figure i was ok.
Back in the car and i'm gonna eat my bagel (yeah we are not that far along right). but i can smell the dog shit, now in the car; realize that i had just cleaned dog shit off my shoes and just lost all interest in eating anything.
And the stench of dog shit all the way to work. my car-pool did not seem to notice. maybe it's the flu symptoms going around.
Talking with car-pool guy and the sun comes out, first time in like a week and a go for my sunglasses that were in the jacket pocket. pull them out and it looks like some kind of modern art piece, all twisted and crooked i would call it "mocking augen moral needs." but no. they were just fucking bent.
In to work and going to brush teeth. tooth brush: awol. is it just time to turn around and go home? i mean the tooth brush was in my other pocket, for real, you can't deny. so it's just gone for good. resigned. and your cube smells like dog shit all day and you need to brush your teeth, man.
Later i find the tooth brush on the floor and i run over and pick it up off the floor, beaming! i say out loud "all right!" like my day is actually having some kind of redemption! i look up and see the admistrative assistant looking at me like i was nuts.
Like who gets excited by finding an old nasty tooth brush on the floor? i mean i don't even *care* if it *is* yours. and in that look, i kinda agreed with her. but secretly i was still stoked.
score x 3!!!
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
I had this weird dream about driving through a highway in the desert and there was trash everywhere. you could not get away from it. plastic bags blowing around everywhere. garbage.
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
I think i have figured out the way to make it through the next few months.
Here is the key: stay home.
It's pretty amazing the kind of thought-actions that you can accomplish in one simple day of staying home.
Take today for example. i stayed home. computers, right? so i decided to do some things that i never seem to have time for while at work. namely, to think.
Today i thought about the next four months, and the high and mighty things that i could achieve in that time. sounds like setting up for dissapointment eh? well, nevertheless i set some goals and wrote every thing down, took notes and stuff.
I'm even thinking about writing this stuff down on three by five cards and carrying them around with me all the time. one for every day. each card contains goals and special information based on what day it is. i might even do like ron used to, back when we were in college. he would make a list of things to do and add really funny items like "dust a cop off" or something. maybe they were actually funnier than that. i remember them being funnier.
Friday, November 21, 2003
[Your Departure has Arrived]
My cowoker ( i have written about her before ) arrived at Noon today. i was here at 9.
Given the circumstances, that makes me feel rather awkward.
[This just in]
So i swing by Alfa-boy's cube. he's the guy that is hardly in the office, always out working on projects in other cities. i guess i should call him travel-boy, except that he has (at least) 2 alfa-romeos and keeps them here in the parking garage (just like me and my vehicles).
We shoot it about chicago, cause out here the weather they have is actually weird and interesting (?) and he was just there. he asks if he missed anything. i mention the 'massive restructuring' and he says he knows about that. i say we are all expecting another round of layoffs in the future. then:
He says "you heard about the hedging error, right?"
me: uh...
him: yeah, on the [censured] Project with the technology they were using they were actually selling loans at a loss and did not know it for a while. it was like a 425 million dollar loss.
me:
him: oops i got a meeting, i'll come find you later.
me: dude.
[Oatmeal is for Sukkahs]
Man, things have been stressful lately.
I'm Pissed.
And my back hurts.
And I'm joing a place that teaches you how to hit things.
Life is soon going to be very perfect.
Do you want the whole story, or just the crazy interludes?
Did you guys see that thing about L.H.Oswald? What was with that guy. You realize now, that if that happened we would be in an uproar about "failed intelligence" (both the FBI and CIA had large files on him).
God, he was born like 40 years too early. Ahead of what should have been his time.*
* In no way is the President of the United States being threatened.
Thursday, November 20, 2003
[Basketball is for youts]
Yesterday morning I went and played basketball (see item #2 below). i had not played since i was a kid really, and i wondered if i could still do it.
Funny thing was that it all came back to me, not what you are thinking. i don't mean i started playing like MJ again, what came back was the kind of awkwardness found in a 12 year old trying to dribble a basketball, trying to make a basket (way harder than you think). i could still kinda do some free throws. body memory is strong.
Did this just for fun, to warm up for a workout, something different. went up for a shot and *twang* goes muscle in my back. nice. stretch it out as best i can. fuck. go and do sit-ups and more stretching.
Before I do sit ups I sit in the stretch room (which was oddly packed yesterday). i kinda sit in this 'mediation' pose, i'm sure there's a name for it, but i'll just have to describe the posture. and i have no idea why this is important.
Basically you just sit on your feet. your shins go under your thighs and your butt is over your feet. got it?
So i'm sitting there, cooling off sweating after my back-breaking-b-ball, just sitting in this pose staring ahead, place is packed and just as this woman walks by, i interrupt my 'mediation' by ripping an enormous fart, the kind that practically echos across the packed room. farts are terrible things when there is no one around to laugh at them with you.
But that was not what i was really going to talk about. i went to work yesteday. work is really sucking these days. i dread going in the past few days. my boss is a jerk and i have not even spoken with him about being selected for non-active duty. it makes me really mad.
Steph and I went out and did some boozing/burger. he's on the verge of getting a job which is cool, and he has been really good about helping me get some perspective (i.e. not encouraging violence).
I woke up about 3.30am with dry mouth and got up and got some water. then i think i laid in bed for hours, back hurting, emotionally stewing. feeling like crap. fantacizing about getting some damn justice (in a bushian kind of way).
I finally slept, with the warmy loveness of a heating pad, which i'm not sure does a damn thing except make you feel nice. and here I am bloggin in bed, heating pad cranking away under my back. oh, and i'm not going to work today. i think i'm going to make a habbit of this. that and kickboxing.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
[The Transition]
in case you are wondering, i made none of this up.
speaking of which, get your evil child toy now!
and on another note....I was thinking of holding an ebay auction for all the items currently in my office.
For example: I take pictures of stuff here in the office, then offer it for sale on ebay! Like here is some electronic gismo on my neighbors desk, don't know what it is but it could be yours! good idea?
Also: "Sir" Paul disregards own advice and re-releases Let It Be...Naked.
Monday, November 17, 2003
Southern California thanks firefighters for risking their lives to save vacation homes. No one shows up.
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
[I've Fallen]
So when was the last time that you fell down? sure you have probably had a close call or two, a slip, a catch in the nick-o-time, a stumble, a trip! but that's not what i'm talking about. i'm talking about hitting the deck, making contact with the ground, the real deal. let's just say i feel a little less than graceful these days.
First i guess i should give a little background. i am huge. bending over to tie my shoes has become an ordeal. my enormous belly presses against my diaphram and cuts off my ability to breath so that shoe tying becomes something akin to deap sea abalone diving.
That and the fact that i have just returned from a trip visiting family members where the median age was about 82. people of this generation struggle through all types of health issues, as i'm sure you know, and the other half of the time is spent 1. putting down people who have less faculties than them or 2. gossiping about what losers the young and healthy really are. well ok, i'm exaggerating a little but it's not far from the truth.
Oh, back to my point. i take a shower this morning after a fitful sleep finally back in my own bed. soaping up, wash the feet...i tend to be kind of a negative thinker in the morning. people confuse this with being a grouch but the truth is that there is a little demon in my head controlling my thoughts, and he says awful things until i wash him out of there with hot soapy water and caffiene.
Next thing i know and there is a sound like someone using a squeegee on a window whirrruuuuup! and suddenly in this amazing slow-motion helpless ballet i am losing my balance and i reach out to the shower curtain which provides nothing but yield so then my left arm reaches out in his direction (read 'flail') and manages to clear the shelf of all shower condiments without even pretending gain any stability there.
I end up rocking back and forth in the tub as i go down, just like dropping bowling ball in it, back and forth. i hit my thigh and hip on the side of the tub and really go down now, oddly having plenty of time to imagine impaling the back of my head on the water spout. with this thought i curl up like a porcupine, rolling back and forth in the tub, shower condiments flug all over and finally come to a stop.
On the way down i felt totally helpless. i realized that in a way we spend our whole lives to *not* feel that way. that we work all these years to provide some kind of security and comfort that can be ripped away faster than you can say whoops!. helpless in a way that i knew this effort was in vain and a big lie, that i am vulnerable, always. and will, like elders of my family face this with grim clarity. weird how time pauses to teach a lesson.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
[Veterans Day]
 |
My Great Uncle Gus Edward Bubenzer flew as navigator/bombadier in a A-20 Havoc and was shot down over France where he was taken in by French resistance. |
 |
Here is a picture of him, far right. Looks pretty happy-go-lucky, no? |
I have heard the story of Uncle GE being shot down over france nearly all of my life.
In the past few years, he has really changed and will tell the story to anyone that will hear it. Now you can be one of those people
S/SGT. GUS BUBENZER - MAY 27, 1944
"We were flying an A-20 as part of the first box and had flown over enemy territory for about 15 minutes, when we ran into intense anti-aircraft fire. The barrage of flak was heavy and the very first shell exploded with amazing accuracy in our formation. Several planes were hit. Suddenly I realized that our plane had been hit. The right engine had been knocked out; the electrical and hydraulic systems were damaged and there was a fire in the bomb bay...
Or, if you prefer the more pictures, less reading version.
Thursday, November 06, 2003
[ On the Fence]
I have been looking at Howard Dean as a candidate for president, but he never really resonated with me.
Until now.
Finally he has embraced rednecks and specifically guys "with Confederate flag decals in their pickup trucks." and well, we all know this is where i'm headed.
But this guy sums it up best:
Allow me to paraphase..." I want all you rednecks out there that think dubya is yer man to vote for me!" Maybe he can learn a few guitar licks from "Sweet Home Alabama" or "All My Rowdy Friends". You cannot get a redneck to vote for anyone other than Bush! It simply cannot be done. It's a law of physics! Just turn on CMT (if you can stand it) and notice all the supprt for Bush. These people eat their young...look what they tried to do with the Dixie Chics.
Oh, and yeah, I am going to Indiana this weekend. Since that thing with Reagan did not pan out, I figure what's the point? sorry baby
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
To: Nick
Subject: Re: GMC
Hi Nick,
Odometer reads 19,870. I believe the actual mileage is 119,870. I have
personally put on about 30,000 miles in the 6 1/2 years I've owned her. I
believe I'm the third owner. Measures about 23'-24' from front to rear
bumper.
Cheers,
Bill
To: Bill
Subject: Re: GMC
Bill,
Thanks for getting back to me. Do you know if it has the 700R4
Transmission (with overdrive)?
Also kinda curious about what kind of fuel economy the thing gets
piggy-backing the camper.
Oh, and don't be afraid to be honest, my 84 mustang convertibel gets 10mpg
(no kidding)! =)
And where is the beast located? I would like to check it out perhaps next
week, as I am out of town visiting family this weekend.
thanks
Nick
To: Nick Adams
Subject: Re: GMC
Nick,
Turbo350 tranny. About 8 mpg going 75 mph, camper fully loaded, pulling a
Geo. Suisun City.
Let me know when you want to stop by. I just paid for the new tags so
they're good till Nov next year.
Cheers,
Bill
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
well, it's back
My crazy obsession with living in a van is rearing its ugly head once again.
I try and listen to the advice of friends, hell i have even blogged that advice here. you remember what beck said right?
I guess with all this talk about Trucker and In God We Truck and what-not I have sort of progressed in my ideas somwhat.
Think of the money you would save!
Well, if there is a god, I call it GMC.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Make no little plans. They have no Magic to stir Men's blood.--D.B. Hudson
Oh, and here is my favorite read:A student farted during read aloud after lunch (very common occurrence) and immediately raised her hand with a frantic look on her face. Very close to a poopy third grade pant in class today.
go Gnat!
In case you were wondering:
"Loki... is the creature who transgresses all boundaries; even more significant, Loki represents the boundary itself... Loki may most properly be seen as representative of more than either the boundary or the boundary crosser; in the character and role of Loki, the boundary, difference itself, has collapsed. But to say that it 'has collapsed' implies its prior existence, and this does not adequately describe Loki. In Loki that opposition has never been created; what is elsewhere two is one in Loki." -- Karen Swenson
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Godless Communism
Ok, so check this out. Tonight is the big release night, the one that I have been working on for three months, the one that will keep me at work from 9am until 3AM yes am.
But i just thought of something. something really important. and it's brought me back to blogging.
On Sept 12 Mr. Clean died. His real name was charles bennett and he was a florida congressman and a democrate.
He sponsored a bill that created the House Ethics Committe and served as its first chariman, hence the nickname "mr. clean."
His real claim to fame, though is that he is/was responsible for putting "in god we trust" (accidently wrote 'truck' there: go trucker!)
on U.S. currency (also making it the U.S. official "motto"). This happened in 1955. a fact that amazed me, as I sort of assumed that the "motto" was *much* older than that (think founding fathers).
And i am not alone in thinking that (read conspriacy). in june of 2002 a federal appeals court ruled that "one nation under god" contained within the pledge of allegiance is actually unconstitutional. Senators were quoted immediately after this stating that "our Founding Fathers must be spinning in their graves." But not so, not unless they were referring to mr. clean as a Founding Father.
The truth is that Congress inserted that phase "under god" in 1954 in response to McCarthy era anticommunism because, as the saying goes, communism is godless.
So what have we done here? Basically we have instituted unconstitutional ideas, have printed unconstitutional statments on our money, and have made that same unconstitutional stament our "national motto" ( I vote for "war means more") and have included in the pledge of allegiaence (to this country btw) an unconstitutional statement; all of this giving in to the fundamental religious right. and still, we cannot seem to sort it out.
And now we act like we were born with this unconstitutional rhetoric.
I'm ashamed of the reporting that happens in this country.
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
1959 elcamino back glassw/etching of virgin maryxxx-307-3762
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: ddalere@{removed].com
Date: 2003-10-03, 10:50AM
1959 chevy elcamino back wrap around glass with etching of virgin mary xxx-307-3762 $200.00 firm
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
[fuck all you guys. god-damned muther-fucking chow!]
Anzo brought up the point that this little statement might need addressing; so here we are.
The "god-damned mutherfucking chow" story originates from the early 60's when my friend and good buddy Jim was in the Army, long before you were in it all by yourself. no, this was back when every redneck they could find was stuck in there together. and as you can imagine some of the bottom-of-the-barrel types got the shit kicked out of them, even if that is "metaphorically speaking." ...
Monday, September 15, 2003
Friday, September 12, 2003
[Joining the dead]
Mr. Clean Who Put 'In God We Trust' on Bills (1955) -- I find it amazing that in '55 'in god we trust' became our National Motto.
Johnny Cash
John Ritter
Christ, next it will be people we actually *know*. I am feeling more mornful today, than on yesterday's "Patriot Day."
And angry, very very angry. maybe i'm just starting to feel again. I do that.
I am reaching that point where i want to hit the life "eject" button. Maybe I've been on cruise control for too long and need a change.
It's friday, right? ride motorcycle and forget all this?
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Apologies to RPL for not seeing this earlier. here is his interpretation of my dream from Friday, August 15, 2003 below:
Hmmm...well, it''s fairly obvious. The house you live in that''s falling apart represents your self-image. You feel run down. "It''s supposed to be fun," you tell yourself, but it''s just a dump. The ocean under the house represents your subconscious, seething with repressed emotion and chaotic longing. The net is a metaphor for the internal barrier between subconscious and pre-conscious, and the dog trying to get through represents instincts that you are not allowing yourself to express or accept. You fear the death of your animal soul. My prescription: a weekend of debauchery followed by a Lakota sweat lodge.
I'm on it!
Ok, so life has been hectic feeling of late. Just business I am not used to and having people around all the time. Reminds me of JMGs introvert-extrovert thing. Time to regenerate.
Girl and I are going away for the weekend, but if you are planning on breaking into the apt and robbing me, think again. My new rommie will be there, and is in a kung fu mood.
We are going to the Timber Cove Inn. Thank you [Name of Place that Employs NEA]! We are taking the bike, first trip for girl.
Oh, here's the best piece of junk mail i have had in like a year:
Disclaimer!!! this is most likely some porn site with a bunch of pop-ups!
Subject: governor mary carey
To:@yahoo.com
greetings to all my loyal supporters,
i'm mary carey and as you may know already,
yes i'm the adult movie actress who's a candidate
for California governor. and to show i support
total transparency in my race i uploaded
a big bunch of new pictures and movie clips
on my personal site at
http://64.237.50.166/vm639850.htm
come check it out and you'll see i am the only
candidate with nothing to conceal!
all my love,
mary
Thursday, August 28, 2003
Well, i'm still waiting for the Mojo of Korack to arrive. in the mean time annie paradise has arrived.
It's been fun, drinking beer, having dinner, talkie talkie, morning coffee and I'm late again.
Friday, August 22, 2003
[Subject: eBay Item Won! The Mojo of Korak (Item #2946135672)]
Dear nea_bay,
The seller, capgasjack, has entered a total price of $10.00 for the item below.
The seller entered the following message: As an alternative to Paypal, you can
use AfterlifePal. By using this service, you will need to pay me, the seller,
$10.00 plus Shipping and Handling in the Afterlife. Upon Afterlife receipt of
these funds, you will receive the Grain of Rice, in the Afterlife. The choice is
yours.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
[Great Car Looking for Smokey or Bandit ]
In case you are wondering this is a 1972 Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser the last year they made it. It has the window in the roof and sun visors for the back seat.
It would be cool to mount a FIFTY to the top of this thing. post-apocalyptic, what? remember that scene in "Das Terminator" where Reese and some dude are ass-hauling across broken terrain in some clapped out old car with a giant machine gun sticking out of the top? that's the one.
Maybe then I would finally get down to LA.
My attention span is totally shot. maybe she was right.
I have edited this thing about 8 times so far, and have only gottent three paragraphs down. speaking of non-sequiturs:
What is it about old cars? why such affinity when other people have no interest at all. i wish.
I have Billy Squier blasting on headphones right now. maybe that's it.
I like cars like this. I would live in this one, down by the river. now Who's With Me?
Friday, August 15, 2003
[Updated]
Ok, so that last one covered Item to-do No. 2
This then will be the story that picks up after that...the part about the drowning dogs. If you are a Trish*, you may not want to read on.
So after the drunken, near smoking incident, i made it safely into my bed. or so i thought.
I dreamed that me and some of my friends where for some reason moving into a building together, like an apartment building that combined the warmth of Friends with the mood of 90210. Ok, not really but it was creepy, and here's why.
First the place was a couple of stories tall, and not particularly a nice place. the idea was that it was supposed to be fun, but once you got there is was really just being in a dump with your friends. the upshot is, you start to wonder why these people are your friends. they have, after all just brought you into this dump.
It was damp and i remember wet broken tiles in the floors and walls. like it used to be pretty...and of course, being a dream there has to be this completely illogical part too, which is what is so cool about dreams, right, that they don't abide by the laws of physics or reason. right?
So i go downstairs and am feeling bad, creeped out. this is all wrong. it is then that i realize that the building is built on a pier, and so underneath is the bright geen ocean.
The waves are big and crashing in against the shore and the legs of the pier...
There is a giant net separating the Under-side of the pier from the ocean side, it also goes underneath the water so that you cannot gain access to the under-side of the pier by going underwater.
It reminds me of the kind of nets they hang behind home plate, or the ones they raise when field goals are kicked, or a giant fishing net, for those of you who hate spots analogies.
A storm is brewing and the waves are fierce, crashing against the pylons of the pier. The dogs are under the pier on some kind of solid stucture, it seems to be where they live. the net prevents them from getting out from under the pier or maybe prevents other things from getting in.
While I watch one black and white border collie is trapped outside the net and desperately wants to get inside, it cries and whines in a pitiful way and attemps to climb the net.
This is horrifying to me watching knowing, feeling the dog is going to die, hearing it's cries. it's agonizing.
Memory skips here and I am back inside, the next day. the storm raged all night and I descend down to the vantage point where i witnessed the climbing dog. the sun is out and the waves are relatively calm.
All the dogs are gone, and I know that they were all swept away by the storm, the feeling of horror just suspends me; i feel like weeping, or have been.
The feeling stays with me all the next day.
* Trish=Canis familiaris amoris
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
[Cow orker]
Ok, for those wondering what that was all about, it was really just a little reminder for myself about what to blog.
A coworkers birthday, and out i go for drinks at al local establishment. this one in particular is one of the few that actually still allow smoking.
It was mellow, i think it was saturday night. i was working obsessive-complusive style on the car, and i guess i did not eat dinner. i was late, splashed some water and off i went to meet up.
The drinks went to my head fast; i actually enjoyed talking with my coworkers. there was a couple making out in the corner, and i am later told that i made a very loud request for "the line." something like "hey you guys, where's the line? you two can't have each other all night! he's got such pretty hair! who wouldn't want to make out with him?"
One coworker tells me that she has placed a hex on our boss. i think this is very cool and funny. she is a self proclaimed witch.
I see another, and cool, motorcylist.
Me:"hey!"
Him: "i'm so fucked up right now. i been smokin pot and drinking all day. i'm totally fucked up!"
Me: "okay!"
I get drunk and am in a smoking bar the kind where people are smoking. it's not obnoxious. it's almost civilized. not like the old days, or places with winter where the density of the air and lack of ventiallation nearly kills you. no, here it's cool, it's kind, there are couches for your pleasure. there is a couple making out. there are packs of cigarrettes all over the little tables in the back. and i want one. hey look, it's my brand.
I tell the birthday girl that i really want to smoke. it's bad. she is smokin my brand. she says "come on, it's not that big a deal. no one's watching you! you can do what ever you want." it's fucking blasphemy!
"Enabler!" i yell and run to the bar.
Later i have a moment to myself and i sit and stare at a pack and come up with the plan. i need to leave, i know this, cause if i stay i'll end up smoking. so i need to leave. and i decide that on my way out i will grab a cigarette and smoke it on the way home. and i'm drunk and hungry and drunk and really need to just be home right now, and so i get up to leave and say good byes and go across the street and get a slice.
Halfway home i realze that i did not, in fact smoke. even after making the conscious *(?) decision to do so.
I feel like shit, demoralized, cause even though i didn't smoke i feel bad cause i gave in. i quit, i capitualted.
and i'm not going back there.
Later i would decide to exercise like a MUG, but for now it was time for pennance. i had to sleep.
A penitent man is humble before god.
A penitent man is humble before god.
A penitent man is humble before god.
Monday, August 11, 2003
Friday, August 08, 2003
[Dreams]
keep having dreams where I use nicotine products.
Before i dreamt that I got all drunk (true) and then smoked.
I woke up feeling guilty for smoking, even when i really hadn't.
Last night I dreamed that I used that disgusting SKOAL chewing, wintergreen shredded tobacco shit.
That stuff is so disgusting.
Any way, for some reason in my dream, maybe because I quit smoking, I started to "dip" the skoal.
It's a mess. the stench. I hate wintergreen.
It made me feel sick and dizzy, and you have to spit of course. I got the tobacco all in my mouth and everywhere.
I hated it.
Why am I having these dreams? what does it mean?
Thursday, August 07, 2003
Sunday, July 27, 2003
Friday, July 25, 2003
[In My Head By MDM]
Bind me tie me
Chain me to the wall I wanna be a slave
To you all
Chain-store chain-smoke
I consume you all
Chain-gang chain-mail
I don't think at all
Thrash me crash me
Beat me till I fall
I wanna be a victim
For you all
Oh Bondage, Up Yours!
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
[Everybody has a dream]
I had the dream again where i smoke. i get about half way through the cigarette and then sort of come to this consciousness where i say "what the hell am i doing!?!?" and throw the thing away. what could this mean?
Clayton was telling me that he keeps on having anxiety dreams. "what do you think they mean?" i ask. he throws a wrench at me. i think he's stress out.
I've been talking to vinnie lately. he has dreams too. it gets better vin, trust me.
I have a date tonight. i have invited her over for dinner. but then this happened and i wonder if i can just do the pizza and beer and 'let's work on the bike!' thing. frankly i think it would work. is that just evil?
Friday, July 18, 2003
[Public Apology Day]
Back by popular demand!
This one goes out to Valerie, aka Karaab. please forgive my comments; they were really only meant to provide comic relief and were not intended to be hurtful. i will somehow make this up to you when you visit.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
[News Alert]
I Just Added comments (thanks Peanut!). you get to select what they are called. Please keep the following in mind when choosing:
Peanut!: see, the cool thing about "shout out" or "comment" or "heckle"
Peanut!: is it's a verb
Peanut!: but as soon as someone does
Peanut!: it becomes a noun
Peanut!: get me?
Okay then. So far here are the suggestions:
"Worthless Drivel" -- NEA
"Heckle" -- Korak
"Random Drivel" -- NEA
"drops of drivel" -- NEA
Please provide your Suggestion and Three-Letter-Acronym. thank you.
Friday, July 11, 2003
[ Finally]
Ok, so i just got over one of the most incredible bouts of what must surely been food poisoning.
I have never voided myself with such enthusiasm; but i'm sure you don't want to hear about that. some of you have anyway. so what's the point right?
fuck that. I'll tell you what the point is. the point is that when you shit yourself for a good 30 hours you start thinking.
Your body goes on a big purge and "you" are along for the ride, now that's what i'm talkin about.
You start thinking that maybe it's time to start changin, that the "positive" steps you have taken in the past were just little stumbing, tenative shuffles toward something you are just beginning to see.
That the great void is in your future. you start yearning for some kind of forward momentum.
As you sit and wonder how much longer that roll of TP is going to last (another hour?) you realize the temporal nature of things and of you. that you could expire because of what you are doing right now and that you would never understand it. it was always beyond you anyway, your "understanding" would never get near it.
You are a porous bag of liquid, open to the environment and vulnerable to it so much so that you could reason that you *are* it. the decisions and tasks and duties and such are so miniscule, what's the point? why is it so importantant to do what we do?
Ah but then your symptoms subside, you start feeling better, you forget all these questions for the time being. you go, and eat, and drink again, a little fearful, but you are back among the living and you forget the death force you saw earlier.
[ Trucker's Blues]
Never before in my life has my anus received this much attention. most of it because it is screaming in pain. if you don't like scatelogical stories....keep on truckin, if you know what i mean.
I should say that i had some stomach upset earlier this week, that perhaps built up to the last 24 hours but there was really no way to see this coming.
Having said that, can i recommend that you stay away from soul food, even if it is as famous as "Lois the Pie Queen."
Oh lord, hang on...I'll finish this story in a minute. gotta run!
Thursday, July 03, 2003
Subject: try this at home
go to google and type in "weapons of mass destruction" and click
the "i'm feeling lucky" button.
http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
Hey, so I went on vacation.
I know I was sorely missed by you all.
I put up some pictures on das Veb for your enjoyment.
I will be adding some commentary to the photos when i get some more time. Digital Cameras Rock, let me know if you have trouble viewing items (i know the first image is broken).
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
Hi Nick:
I’ve been given the task to ensure everyone is taking their mandatory 7 day vacation (week-end days count) according to banking regulations. The policy says that employees must take their first 7 consecutive days off within 14 months from the date of hire and annually thereafter. Your 14 month anniversary is coming up November 16, 2003. Have you taken time off that will satisfy this regulation? If so, would you please send me the date you took off? Otherwise, please arrange your vacation with your manager and send me the dates. Thanks!
Connie Sutcliffe
Office Manager
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Check it out!
Google buys blogger.
Blogger is always broken.
GO MICROSOFT
GO WELLS FARGO
crap. crap crap crap.
Monday, June 09, 2003
So, a girl sends me flowers.
But I'm not home, and tell them I'll pick them up myself, later.
Then I forget and end up drinking a bunch of bourbon with bob.
So the next day i go to the flowershop in full motorcycle gear, pants, leather jacket, back-pack and helmet.
I was not wearing the helmet when i talked to the florist. She starts to hand me flowers wrapped in that plastic stuff. I ask her for a box. She says "I can wrap them up in paper for you." As a repsonse I hold up my Moto-Helmet, as if to say clearly: ook, I am on a motorcycle, and just wrapping them in paper is not going to help me out, now is it?
She does the "oh, okay!" thing and starts to find a box.
Just to clarify, I was looking for one of those boxes that flowers used to come in back before the was the world-wide ban on flower boxes. Remember those? they were long and skinny and gangster would carry shotguns in with their roses. you remember. see that type of thing would fit in a back-pack and you could, at least in theory, then carry flowers on a motorcycle.
Are you with me on this one? ok good. So I ask for a box for the flowers so I can put them in the bag, which will then go on my back, I go on the Motorbike, and vroom vroom off we go.
Here, then, is what the woman gave me:
300k?
Oh, and here's one of Anna too!
Monday, April 07, 2003
[A Great Place to Vacation, But I Wouldn't Want To Protest 'There'...]
Oakland Po-lice use rubber bullets on Protesters
Ever Wonder What "Rubber and Wood" Bullets Feel like?
Kinda looks like Laura Denham...
[A Great Place to Vacation, But I Wouldn't Want To Protest 'There'...]
Po-lice use rubber bullets on Protesters
- posted by Turok @ 4:34 PM
Thursday, March 27, 2003
One Time, I Was in the Third Grade
And I was a really bad kid then. I don't know what it was about the third grade. maybe it was the teacher. Mrs... damn. not there.
Remeber she had a weird beehive type hairdo though, and it was blue.
She was older and a bit of a pushover. we walked all over her, and i was a total cut-up and trouble maker. always had my desk in the corner facing away; like that ever worked.
One time i was pulling a fast one. a good prank really. i decided to hide from the teacher, and wait until she noticed i was missing.
The catch of course was that my plan was to hide literally under her nose. well, not literally, but right in front of her. so i did. i hid
in front of her desk, right there in front of the class but out of sight of her. it was really brilliant, she never would have seen me.
Then someone narc'd. "Nick's under you desk."
What happened then is etched in memory. the teacher pulls back in her chair like a bolt of electricty had struck her. i can still hear the bark of her chair sliding across those big square tiles.
And at that moment i saw what was going through her head with perfect clarity.
She believed i was down there trying to look up her skirt.
And I swear to god I wasn't. i was just pulling one of the better pranks of my time, in third grader terms anyway.
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
If I Had a Son, I Would Name Him the "Prince of Darkness"
Thank God for the Death of the United Nations
Sunday, March 23, 2003
Thursday, March 20, 2003
[I Have Something To Tell You About The Cat]
So, i have been sick. went home yesterday from work early.
Rented some movies, took a nap. it got dark.
I got up to use the toilet, felt the cool breeze from the open window. standing, pissing.
The neighbors cat appears at the open window, as she often does. i don't think much of it. i'm half out of it anyway.
Kitty meows. and starts to jump down into the tub as she always does.
Not this time. this time she pulls some weird mid-air maneuver and, instead of dropping straight
down, she actually changes direction mid-plunge and makes for the opposite side of the toilet.
The one that i am pissing into.
She makes it. lands deftly on the opposite side of the bowl and sprints into the apartment. right through my stream of piss.
I just pissed on the cat. never in my life have i pissed on an animal.
Christ, now she's running around my apartment rubbing up against everything.
What do you do with a cat you just pissed on? clean her? yeah, she'll love that. chase her out of your apartment, back to the neighbors?
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
At first, I thought "how charming and funny" and then i realized quickly the liability.
Like when one of your closest friends has a gambling problem that can only be defended by two little words: "I won."
But we can talk about that later.
Making Blogs searchable is what i'm talkin bout. at first innocent and fun, right? when is searching for Redneck pictures and finding my blog (returned No. 1 proudly), when oh when, is that NOT funny?
But then there is the Peanut! issue. Peanut! brought up a very important point (see bottom of page) several weeks ago. and i admit i did not heed the warning...
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
[TO: All employees
FROM: Internal Communication]
In light of President Bush’s announcement last night about the imminent threat of war with Iraq and the nation’s heightened safety alert, we are sensitive to the fact that many of our employees may not want to travel on business. Alternative suggestions are video and telephone conferencing. More information is available through WorldCom Conferencing at 866-456-XXXX
As a reminder, "Name of the Company I Work For" provides an Employee Emergency Information Line (800-277-XXXX) for any updates about events that may affect business operations and employee work schedules.
Updates about situations that may affect "Cute-Co-Name" operations will be provided through e-mail, Wiz-mail and in "Cute-Co-Name".net e-stories.
"Name of the Company I Work For" l takes the safety of its employees and customers seriously and has systems and procedures in place to address unexpected situations. As always, if you have a workplace emergency, call SOS at 888-497-XXXX. In a personal situation, always call 911 first.
We will have further updates as world events dictate.
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
[To Those I Have Never Met, Some Advice...]
First let me offer some congratulatory words on the new member of your family, and please post some pictures as soon as you can.
I am somewhat disappointed, however, that i was not consulted when it came to choosing a name. Maddie, is of couse a lovely name, but I would have recommended the time honored and true Scooter. A name of royalty. Perhaps it could be a nickname...? Maybe Madd-Scooter?
Cool, right?
That is a lovely dress you are about to wear. I assume you get to purchase your own matching shoes as well? I scoured the internet to come up with some advice and only found this: If you're a lesbian, remember, no matter what, do not agree to be a bridesmaid. take that for what it's worth.
You know, when i really think about it Ted should have you as his best "man" right? Dear sis! bestest of friends? I think you could make the demand and that way you get out of wearing the SFO910.
Men can rent wedding attire, why can't women ? You know, you can rent a tux for like $50, even less if you are stuck out in some place like Indiana.
How do they get these women to buy $300 dresses that you can only wear once?
Some really good stuff on the web; like this one:
In history, the bridesmaid would protect the bride against evil by wearing similar clothing to the bride's attire. This would confuse any "evil spirit" as to who the bride was.
So that should make the whole thing a little easier to swallow. you are there for protection. be ready.
Thursday, March 06, 2003
[Discover Great Singles Near You!]
Anderson, IN...
More about her:
I'm a journalism student with a semseter left to go. I work in a grocery store. I write in my spare time. I'm knitting an afghan (a blue, red, orange and yellow one).
My favorite movies are the slapstick comedies from the '80s.
I've started writing novels but haven't been able to finish any of them.
I'm NOT interested in a sexual relationship.
I plan to wait until I get married before I have sex.
I won't lie. I'm not good with relationships, at least not the way people think I should be.
I haven't dated much.
Maybe my standards are too high.
I have trouble letting people get close to me.
I've been hurt before and am probably more guarded than I should be.
I need lots of time to get to know somebody before I'll open my heart.
In this day and age it's just not safe to be any other way.
My relationship with God is very important to me.
I love God and want to serve Him to the best of my ability. I don't think I could be with someone who didn't feel the same way about Jesus Christ that I do--the Son of God who gave his life for our sins and rose from the dead three days later.
I'd rather meet someone as a result of my day-to-day activities than on the Internet.
With people online, there's always a chance they could be lying about themselves or play those sick little cyber sex games.
This sort of thing is NOT my bag, baby.
Editors Note: The original posting was all one paragraph, i have selectively used the "Enter" key for readability
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
Keep your shirt on!
For those with no patience:
Swimming fully clothed is a major new trend sport. Get fit in wet clothing. Enjoy wet clothes photos, chat and forums.
Monday, March 03, 2003
[Long Time Big Sleep]
It's monday and you are pissed.
The caffeine you ate only heightens the pre-smoke anxiety.
You can't run away.
So Great White burns the house down.
One of their band members dies in the blaze (31yo Ty Longley). They put the guy in the ground, the band does not
attend.
I spent about half an hour trying to uncover this story on the web:
None of the four surviving band members attended today's service.
Now what is that all about? and why does NONE of the news media pick up on this? a guy in your band *dies* and you don't go to the funeral? who do you think you are the *sex pistols*...malcom?
No story there, huh? just this:
"His heart was as big as his hair."
Monday, February 03, 2003
[whore clothes for underage girls]
nicka: here read this:
nicka: emailed about a car...
nicka:
> Sorry, no pictures. You are more than welcome to stop by the house and
> take a look. The car is garaged, but don't be shy...just let me know
> when and what time you would like to stop by and I can make
> accommodations
>
>
> Francesca
> web business
> bebe.com
> (415)-6x7-4xx0 dir
> fake-email@bebe.com
>
>
>
> playfully sensual. positively sexy. definitely you. bebe
nicka: LOL
Mikeg: too fucking funny
nicka: dude!
Mikeg: if you don't score a date as well as a car then you're off your game, pal
nicka: hell yeah man!
nicka: "francesca" "muscle car" "bebe"
nicka: how can you go wrong?
Mikeg: love that "don't be shy" too
nicka: no shit!
nicka: here's my response:
nicka: > playfully sensual. positively sexy. definitely you. bebe
I'm not sure if this is "definitely" me or not, but I *would*
like to see your car... =)
nicka: i was going to mention the "i won't be shy either" thing
nicka: LOL
Mikeg: oh man
Mikeg: you know...it just occurred to me that there was a francesca at reel.com
nicka: hell, she probably just borrowed some dudes car to pick up guys
Mikeg: in the business dept.
nicka: reely?
nicka: was she hot?
Mikeg: yeah....she was an ugly cow with a personality to match so i REALLY hope it aint the same one for your sake
nicka: oh yeah?
Mikeg: no lie
nicka: LMAO
nicka: should i ask her?
Mikeg: what? "are you an ugly cow?"
nicka: is she into old cars?
nicka: LOL
Mikeg: you know, i doubt it's the same one
Mikeg: this francesca was kind of a burnout
Mikeg: can't see her at bebe (which i assume is that clothing company that makes whore clothes for underage girls, right?)
nicka: LMAO
Thursday, January 30, 2003
He got a snakeskin sportshirt,
and he looks like Vincent Price,
With a little piece of chicken,
and he's carving off a slice
Someone tipped her off, and she'll be doing a Houdini now any day
She shook his hustle,
and a Greyhound bus'll take the one that got away
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
[More Quitting!]
I have had this silly free email account for a long time.
A company i used to work for acquired them, and so i signed up for a free email account.
From the very first day, I was plagued with junk email, mostly porn and "financing" ads.
today, I just quit:
Hi, How do I cancel my account?
This account has always been a piece o' crap, ever since the
very beginning it was obvious that "email.com" was simply created as a tool for direct marketing.
Hell, i used to work for the first company that acquired you!
From the very first day i was getting spammed with junk email!
Now that is all i get here and it's just silly! Was this your business plan?
I know it's a free account, but I want to cancel it just the same.
thanks,
nick
Oh, and if you are still reading...this is actually part of a bigger quitting project. kinda like mikeg's only more rutheless and aggressive.
My plan is to quit everything, eventually quitting itself and see where i end up. hopefully not uder a bridge, or in the fabled "van down by the river" although i still think that plan is the best.
Thursday, January 23, 2003
[Chickens of the World, UNITE!]
Well, since the theme is autos, here's the new one.
No idea that my long lost brother (see email address) would be selling *me* a car.
You know about the chicken thing, right?
'78 Ford Fiesta autocross/race/project car! - $500
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: chicken_tech@yahoo.com
Date: Tue Jan 21 00:01:30 2003
1978 Ford Fiesta
Stripped interior, race seats, welded-in bracing, many race mods. 1600 lbs!
Lowered springs, performance shocks, sway bar, 2 sets of 13 x 6" wheels.
Headers, SuperTrapp exhaust.
Yellow, some rust.
Running, current non-op registration.
Will need work to pass smog. (Have all parts, including new smog pump, cat, exhaust, etc.)
Looks kind of rough, but what do you expect for $500?
Leave message @ 510-524-3159 or chicken_tech@yahoo.com
Thursday, January 02, 2003
[Today is 01-02-03 that's wierd, man ]
Found this on the web, description of a car for sale:
Where should I start? I bought this hunk of sh*t in 2000, and the starter was junk when I bought it, so I replaced that. The heater core blew a month after I bought it and cost me almost 400 bucks.
I have replaced the water pump twice and the radiator. More recently, it started to burn oil severely cause my valve seals are fu*king shot and whenever I start it up or hammer on it, I leave a rooster tail of oil smoke behind me. And it leaks oil like a goddamn sprinkler. It leaves a 20 foot oil slick on the ground on a rainy day.
It leaks and burns so bad that when I do an oil change I could just change the filter and top off the oil. My torque converter klunks and it sounds like its going to fall off the car any day now and my gears in the rear differential whine. It has a brake fluid leak and when I have to jack on the brakes it goes right to the board.
I almost wailed this a**hole in a Monte Carlo who decided to pull right in front of me with no signal. It would have been the best thing that could have happened to my car. The exhaust has fallen off twice and my radio doesn't work in the cold weather, it will either have a high pitch squeal that will drive you insane or a deafening hum that will blow your eardrums out.
I think that's it, but i'm probably forgetting something. I can't do sh*t about it until I get outa school and then that heap of sh*t is out of here.
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
[Hey Hotstuff]
This guy kicks ass.
Here he is with a little known Halle Berry circa 1986.
Evidently he has been doing the celeb-photo thing since 1977. He manages to get uglier and
uglier.
There are so many random "celebs" on his site.
Most are like this with him in the photo, some are just pics of thecelebs, often they are signed like this one with Pamela.
At auction, I would estimate that this would sell anywhere between 5 and 10 dollars, for the entire collection.
Monday, December 09, 2002
[I know it's wrong]
So did you hear the news about Pete?
Not just about some damn wedding or some freaking birthday.
After much anticipation, he has finally lost it.
Fully embraced Motorhead, changed his name to Olaf, and moved to Europe to be with "his people."
Happy Birthday Pete we're gonna miss you little buddy.
Tuesday, November 19, 2002
[Disappearance]
Well, it looks like JMG * has gone missing much to bob's chagrin.
well, here's a contest that bob might actually be able to win:
Win a T-shirt all proceeds go to a local animal charity. I say "go for it bob!"
And a special thanks to James for sending me a copy of Mikes Trivia Pop Quiz Winner CD, it's great!
good to know that a least *some* of my friends are winners. go mike!
So i ve not had access to my email while at work. this has seriously slowed down the PAW movement, but i will try to slog along.
But since James was kind enough to give me the CD i'll post a very special apology just for him:
apology curiously missing.
* ( a big shout out to MSG for helping me with the spelling of JMG-- I've had bigger things on my mind lately).
Friday, November 15, 2002
[Things Heat Up]
So interest has resurface in PAW. I will get more apologies up very, very soon.
In the mean time, enjoy this quote from work:
Lackeys: all lackeys will perform services requested within reason; actual work must still be accomplished by lackey and winning bidder during the workday
Thursday, November 14, 2002
[Most Enthusiastic Apology Day!]
Yesterday was "most needy" apology day, oh...I guess it was really sorted by "urgency." sorry.
Today, then is "Most Enthusiastic" apology day. MDM was the winner of this little contest
(sorry bob, you don't get credit, yet again).
MDM sent in several emails for Public Apology Week, and I will attempt to address each in turn. let me know if publishing the original email is a problem!
Subject: CFPA
Date: Tue, in the past
dear nick adams,
i apologize for not checking your blog for a few days, and missing your call for public apologies.
warmly,
MDM
At the time, I did not really respond to our friend above, however, i did a little check and it seemed clear to me
that "I will be issuing public apologies, so get your orders in NOW!" My gift to you.
However, I gratefully accept your apology MDM, now make it public.
Subject: apology
Dear Nick Adams,
I'm sorry that you think that strike threats result from boredom.
warm regards,
MDM
Again i did a little checking, and well, it turns out that i actually did say that, if you can believe it. sometimes i just wonder at what comes out of
this mouth of mine.
So, Public Apology to all: Sorry Longshore workers of America! i know it's not about boredom!
Subject: ps
when are you posting the apologies? any good ones?
MDM
Right now, of course!
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
[Can You Believe it?]
A whole week has passed since Public Apology Week!
Since i only issued one aplogy then, i have decided to extend PAW a bit longer. and glad i did! the
responses (and some nags) have been coming in!
I have been trying to decide how to approach the pending apologies, as in what order to display them;
alphabetically, or by urgency. i admit that none seem too urgent, but i'll use that approach just the same.
Firstly then, to one Michel Stephane Gregory, who gets the urgent No. 1 rating just because of the nagging. although don't think that will work with me every time, keep your nags to yourself!
MSG actually gets a twofold apology:
Dearest Mr. Gregory,
Please accept my most sincere apology for the delay in issuing this statement.
Also please include in your acceptance my repentance for making you feel like a "lame ass friend."
Many a time i have berated and humiliated you for being so weakminded and dull in the context of our friendship. but alas, what you said is true. you surely are no lamer than me. in fact, i think it an unworthy measure for a man of your stature and intricacies.
May you have a long and pleasant life, dear friend.
Yours truly,
Nicholas Adams
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
[The Thrill is Gone]
This weeks feature: Public Apology Week!
I must admit that the response has been dreadfully low.
Perhaps there was some confusion on this one. MDM emailed me an apology, and ACD
emailed a promisory note saying a whole bunch were on the way.
RPL did request an apology, but this one was a bit hard; memory fails. something about me dropping his computer down a flight of stairs or
something, to wit i say:
My Dearest Ron,
Many a year have we been friends. the several years of silence between us i think can now be explained.
to think i have been so callous to forget this traumatic event! how could i have been so emotionally neglectful
and slippery handed?
Ron, i apologize for skidding of the TI99/4A down the stairs, old friend. I hope that one day I can make up for this
transgression, and can only pray that this is the first step.
Sincerely,
Nicholas Adams
The point of Public Apology Week, of course, is for me to make some apologies to friends, new and old,
in a public forum. like this: I make apologies to you dear reader.
So just like voting, the turnout has been low. what can we assume from this, that blogging is nearly
dead? that I owe no one apologies? no, i can think of several right off the top of my head!
Get in your requests NOW! the week is burning!
Thursday, October 31, 2002
[The 1st 24 Hours is the Hardest]
Yesterday i took an exceptionally long lunch. one the way back i saw a sign in a windo that read "Art Supplies!" so i stopped in.
Amazing. it was the weirdest store i have ever been. i couldn't believe it. everywhere you turn was amazement. boxes and boxes of complete and utter garbage. *real* garbage. i couldn't help it, i went through every isle and every row. it was amazing.
One isle had a huge box of...broken glass. yes, colored glass shards. not even big pieces.
a box of broken glass.
There was one shelf that contained only EMPTY vitamin bottles, like hundreds of them! amazing!
Another had a box of painted black dowel rods, 19" long, about 200 of them.
Did i mention the shoe boxes? No? oh, that's because they were *sold out* according to the conversation between the lady customer and the clerk. yep, all sold out of shoe boxes. i wanted to comfort the woman and tell her that i had some at home.
It was great! boxes and boxes of used pens, leaking and dying. tiny pieces of cardboard and a couple of scraps of construction paper. not one full sheet. not a one.
I stoped and went through a huge bin of camera bodies. these looked like they had been run over by the Cleveland Wrecking Co. or been exploded from within. just a huge bin FULL of seriously exploded old 35mm cameras. i just kept asking myself: what is this doing here?
Oh and a wheel-bin full of babydoll arms and legs. you know the laundry bins on wheels that they always have in prison movies? one of those. filled up with babydoll arms and legs. some white, alot brown. i wanted to crawl into the bin and just lay down with the arms and legs.
So this "store" "sold" "stuff" that virtually any human would have thrown in the trash. this stuff was literally not even good enough for a garage sale. in fact i saw the guys running the place get all excited over an object whose only claim to fame was that it was complete or not smashed or something.
This place was like a way station for the dump. hey, we know it's trash, but we can sell it *one more time* before it gets thrown away for ever! what? like they think they are keeping this stuff out of the dump? hah. think again. i even bought some stuff, then threw it away immediately. right into the
trash outside the door.
Well, there was more stuff there, but i have to go now. maybe i'll add some wonderful garbage later.
So, no one has gotten requests in for the Public Apology Week.
Maybe no one is reading the blogs anymore. maybe no one feels they need an apology?
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
[Naked baseball]
Well, having finally talked with anna after what seems like months of messages back
and forth, I have this to say: see ? there really was low interest in this years world
series (tm. no part of the World Series, its affiliates, trademarks, images, icons, general shapes, coverage of, likeness to, and hinting at may be reproduced without expressed written consent from Major Leagues Baseball inc.)
But personally i think that people are just kinda bored with everything, baseball included. that's why the MLB strike threat. boredom. and the west coast longshoreman (er, -people)
(longshorefolk?) (longshorepeeps?) again: bored. sucking up the nations soul.
Hey, let's break up the boredom with a little war! now yer talking! i was thinking of that myself. start a little war right here in the office. kind of a "unilateral" thing really. well now don't take me seriously, just a little 'secret life of rambo mitty' day dreaming.
You can only obsess about motorcycles so much before....ok. that's it. this is boring
me too.
Hey! Next week is apology week!
I will be issuing public apologies, so get your orders in NOW!
Friday, October 18, 2002
[Naked Bob]
Hey, check out this really great link i found:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/recap?gameId=221017003
It's this hillarious story about Bob. err, I mean a story that Bob wishes was about him, seeing
as it involves two of his passions: Hockey and Streaking.
Too bad we have never gotten it together to get bob down to the Shark Tank for a game, get
him all liquored up, strip him naked and set *him* loose on the ice.
Though to be fair, i think that bob would fare much better than our friend in the above story.
I think bob would be able to figure out the following:
1. Ice is very slippery
2. Socks do not have good traction
3. Ice is hard against your head.
For more information on this hi-larious subject, please visit our sponsors at:
streaking.org
Wednesday, October 09, 2002
[Jesus-freak posse]
So I'm coming out of work. Had a bad day at the new job.
"commnunication issues." being shut out. argh.
Leave the building, fire up the bike and get the hell out of
there.
Stewing I as approach the light. traffic keeps me back.
on the corner I see a man holding a sign that is neck to kneees.
"Honk if you Love Jesus." no kidding that is what it actually
said.
Without any conscious thought whatsoever on my part, i ride
up the handicap ramp and come screaming down the sidewalk
bypassing all the traffic, headed right for sign-man.
Honking all the while. revving the motor and generally making
a rucus.
As I race toward him, he jumps to the side losing his sign
and screams, he does: FUCK YOU! and adamantly flips me the bird.
Suddenly all the other motorists start honking too.
guess we're all just a bunch of jesus freaks.
Monday, October 07, 2002
[Letter]
so. sorry for just sending links your way, but
maybe you can tell that i am really itching
to get away for a while on the back of something.
coming close to snow time in the mountains, and
it freaks me out to think that i have not even
taken a short weekender up into them this year.
Of couse having the Transalp be all fucked up
does not help either. I can't remember why
i even kept it after the theft. Oh, it was
free i guess.
But it wobbles at speeds over 50 mph, a generally
unsafe condition.
I am beginning to address the problem, but the
truth is that mentally it was kind of killing me.
Did I tell you that the 750 does the same thing?
Yes, I am the proud owner of 2 bikes that wobble
at speed. I am truly cursed. Or destined to
learn something. you pick.
I am constantly in this fluctuation between
giving the bike away and buying a new one, and
fixing it because it seems so important to do.
that the bike is good, and worth saving.
I literally change my mind hourly. Seems such
a waste to blow big money on a new(er) bike.
Then again it seems so obviously easy, simple
even.
And the job. God that is dragging along. Maybe
the lack of urgency there is causing me to obsess
again. Slow starting and feeling shut out. cut
off. won't tell you.
We'll I'll stay cause they send me money.
Money i can use to buy a new TV, a TV pacify an
uneasy mind and that will advertise stuff to me,
stuff that I can buy with money from my job.
Friday, October 04, 2002
[Would You Like To Love My Dolphin]
Ok I have removed the text. Getting too many complaints. I you wanna read go ahead. It's worth it. I promise.
Wednesday, October 02, 2002
[Hear of a Monster]
Ok, I have removed the full text of this amazing story and put it somewhere that you might think more appropriate.
Friday, September 13, 2002
[What day is it?]
Today is the day I leave the crap LeapFrog.
Today is the day they have layoffs in my group.
Today is the day I went for a two hour margarita lunch.
Today of couse is...
Thursday, September 12, 2002
[Zevon Adams]
nicka: i hate the werewolves references thing
JG: in the zevon article?
nicka: yes
JG: i love his james bond quote, though
nicka: hell yes
JG: i do hope i'm still funny when i'm going to die
Saturday, September 07, 2002
[Because you can't sleep in a motorcycle]
1979 Chevrolet Transvan motorhome, have dig. pics to send -
$2450
Reply to: o.go@worldnet.att.net
Date: Sat Sep 7 09:03:43 2002
1 ton chevy trans van for sale. Runs great, brakes aregood, Tires brand new
with warranty. It has dualies. Would be best used for a Band Van. The
camping cupboards and Kitchenette have been torn out to make room for
hauling music gear. The toilet is still there. The table with seats and
couch still are in useable condition. It passed smog and is registered as of
June. Its only major flaw is an oil leak that would
eventually need to be repaired. I am no longer in the band so the van has to
go, have driven this motorhome to Vegas about 8 times in the last 2 years.
Runs great. Mostly freeway miles. Just took some digital pics, serious only,
please.
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
[Meet the new boss]
As I have come to understand it, start time here is no later than 9:00 am. That does not mean 9:10 or 9:22. I have mandated to the QA Leads and Supervisor that they closely monitor this and to let me know of those that do not adhere to this already established policy.
Also, for those of you that turn in your time sheets regularly in order to get your paycheck, I have instructed Debra Montgomery to stop her extended follow up efforts to make sure you get them in on time. Were all big boys and girls here and the bottom line is that if you want to get paid, you need to be completely responsible for getting your hours in at the specified time. She does not have the time to mother anyone anymore. So, the rule going forward is, simply, if you don't get your hours in at your specified time, you don't get a paycheck. The hours will then be added to the NEXT pay period. Please contact Debra if you have any question on the correct time to submit your hours.
Thank you VERY much for your cooperation on both of these matters.
And, as always, feel free to talk to me for any and all questions.
Steven Winter
QA Manager - Books
Leapfrog Enterprises, Inc.
6401 Hollis Street, Suite 150
Emeryville, CA 94608
510-596-3371
Saturday, August 03, 2002
[How to kill yourself at home!]
So i took friday off. one of those sanity day things. it didn't
work out so well.
I got up in the moring, bought some tea, and started checking my
email. and of course generally fooling around on the internet,
like we do.
I decide to *make* some tea, my strategy was to leave all
the beer bottles and 6-pack cartons, some old napkins, and
other paper product on the stove while doing this.
I had it all worked out (half asleep, but still *bright* you
know?). i clear a spot for "jester", my favortive of the
4 electric burners on the stove.
Fill the kettle, put it on jester, and fire that puppy up!
go back to reading email.
Next thing you know: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
My smoke alarm goes off. i am only about 5 feet from the stove
but i was still shocked and thought: wtf?
Turn around and *almost* immediately find the culpret.
About two feet of flame shooting up off the survace of the
stove. hrm...that must be where the smoke is coming from.
So i go over to investigate, and sure enough i can just make
out through the flames that "Jester" is not even on. It's
his big brother "James" under a pile of flammables that got
all the heat.
(BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP is still happening of course,
and i found it really hard to concentrate on the task at hand
with all that damn noise)
So for a couple of moments I torn between the fire and the
noise. Which is worse? Really? are you sure? I CAN"T THINK!
Somehow, miraculously, my "training" took over. It was like
some kind of out-of-body experience, like "I" was watching
the whole scene from somewhere else.
I saw myself Heroically blowing out the wandering flames. trying
i should say. you think you got one side out, and move to the
other, and the fire picks back up where you just were!
So I saw myself frantically jumping back and forth huffing and
puffing like the big-bad wolf. and i thought that maybe "heroic"
was not the word i was looking for.
Then i thought: hey man what the fuck were you thinking?
interrupted of course by:
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
That's when I totally lost it. no perspective, no thought.
Panic. there was nothing else.
I just stood there in that out-of-body self-dissapointment
that you can only get from watching you burn your own home
to the ground.
I saw myself start ripping off my own clothing in an attempt
to stifle the flames.
My favorite "hoodie" was used to beat at the flames (and knock
burning objects onto the floor). I call this "spreading the
fire."
I watched helpless as i abandoned the well-loved hoodie to
the fire and ran out of the apartment.
I hoped i was going for a fire extinguisher.
I do remember the thought "time for the big gun!"
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Christ and the neighbors are now in the hallway.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
So the fire extinguisher is in one of those "in case of emergency
break glass" boxes.
Break glass? ok ok. with *what*??????
there's nothing to break the glass with!
(I have scars that said "don't use your hand...again")
Back into the apartment now to find somthing to break the glass
with, to get the fire extinguisher, to put out the fire.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
At this point my out-of-body self just closed his eyes in
shame, and i was left helplessly alone.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Fuck! what should you use to break the glass with? I know
there's a hammer here...but shit! it's in the drawer near
the stove the fire is too much to get near.
Ok, no hammer... then i see the afgan comforter. A blanket of course!
that'll put that suckah out!
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
So the blanket goes on the stove. Poof! the fire gets extinguished.
Well, actually the blanket caugt on fire too, but I had enough
time to start throwing glasses of water on it.
Fire out. Apartment filled with smoke.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Ok, open a window and ask what you have done while you
furiously fan the smoke detector at close range.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Look at the afgan your very own mother made with her two hands,
the very one you just used to put out a fire.
feel the shame.
Yes, you go touch it in an attempt to convince yourself that
it's not that bad. but it was nylon and has just melted to
all that burning crap on the stove and you know there is no
going back.
Realize that taking the a day off from work is a huge mistake.
Acknowledge that you need to work to keep you from killing
yourself; regardless of how you feel.
Vow to go to work on Monday. Tell no one what happened.
Wednesday, July 31, 2002
[Blog: Cellphone of the Internet]
Well, i have no idea what i was talking about regarding that John comment below.
See? this is why blogs are stupid.
Don't we go blathering enough to each other all the time?
If we don't go blathering, it's just because our friends are tired of talking to us in the first place,
and just don't want to freaking hear it any more.
Oh, what's that you say? but we are interested in the blog? well that's
freaking beautiful! No interest in a conversation, but OH! Let's all read each other's
blogs....it'll be just like communication!
It reminds me of what bob said. he comes over to my house, and i say "hey bob,
what's going on man?" (it was a freakin' pary btw)
his response:
"just read the blog, man."
and that was it.
What are you, kidding me? have we really traded face to face verbal communication
for some lame ass web page?
Are we trying to do this?
Bad enough are the freaking phone calls, cell phones and freaking IM!
but now we get to give up the face time. Go bob! you're are cutting edge man!
Who am i to talk? i'm the one that had the three year long distance relationship!
what the hell is that?
My ear is permanently deformed from the phone being pressed against it.
Even though we broke up, i think i'm going to move up there; *just* so she can
throw me out of her apartment! and if we fight? well, we get to feel the spittle flying out
of each other's mouth. that seems more normal to me than more
phone calls.
How did we get such distance. Cell phone manufactures are sucking up and out
this desire to detach from our day to day lives and thoughts.
We should start shooting at cell phone people. A good assault makes everybody stop talking
and be present.
Wednesday, July 17, 2002
Monday, July 15, 2002
[The Art of Self Discovery]
Well, I've been busy with work.
And i have been down on the whole blogging thing. we all know what a huge waste of time self
expression is, expecially on the internet.
So i have been doing my best to express myself in other, less productive ways.
I have been throwing empty beer bottles at the late night revelers that "crawl" my neighborhood.
That third story advantage helps with momentum.
Well, okay the truth is that i have been on a journey of self discovery. but then it got kinda boring.
Went to the store and bought more beer (needed more empties).
Though i admit i did learn some things on my trip.
"When your only tool is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail."
That one comes in handy alot.
Oh, and there is this one, i think it's my favorite.
"Patience: a state of dispair disguised as a virtue."
I think that if you combine those two things, you will know a great deal about me.
Something i must know:
Where is pretty girl?
Wednesday, June 26, 2002
[homecomings are a bitch]
This is just a quick note to thank you for your interest in a position with CNET
Networks Inc. I wanted to personally acknowledge the receipt of your resume. Due
to the volume of resumes we receive we only be in touch again if we are
interested in scheduling an interview. I sincerely hope that is the case and that
you and I have a chance to speak soon
Sean Lally
Executive Director, Corporate Recruiting
CNET Networks inc
Uh...dickweed, i used to *work* there!
[bootylicious]
I went to a friends wedding this weekend. It was down on the coast. what i did not realize
was that i was to take that literally.
So the wedding is three hours away, which means i get up early to go on Saturday morning.
not my favorite activity on Saturday mornings...getting up. but i manage, and i dig my suit
out of the closet, and scrape together a shirt forgoing a tie altogether. i throw some stuff
in a bag: toothbrush, shorts, who knows?
Plus i don't shower, so a clean up on the way is ideal. and i don't dress cause who wants
to spend six hours in a car in a suit?
Drive through hot-ass california and stop about half way, no farther than that, and brush teeth
and get some water and stuff. have sunglasses.
As i enter the gas station i notice the girl behind the cash register, cute latina. "Bootylicious"
is airbrushed like fruity candy across the front of her shirt. how can you pass this up?
I spend some luxury time in the unlux facilites, then pick up some water and cold beer
for the second half of the journey. put the goods on the corner and ask "it is true you can't
believe everything you read?" and then look over the tops of my sunglasses, at her t-shirt.
[closed for repair]
It took a while for them to open up the bathroom again. it was closed for several
days "for repairs."
No one seems to know what happened.
So i saw those legs from under the stall door again. i had the same impulse as
before. then i remembered what Beck said.
So i just decided to go in and sit and think for a while.
While there I heard what sounds like water dripping. immediately i start to panic and
fight to regulate my breathing.
After gaining control of myself i start to look around to see where the "water" is dripping
from.
It actually took me a while to look at the floor of my neighbor, but sure enough, there was
the puddle. it was slowly growing into a larger spot threatening the position of his shoes.
I looked to see where this was coming from...dear god it was the toilet!
I realized then that the toilet was not actually leaking, or i would have heard it when i first
got there.
I think the guy was (somehow) actually peeing down the side of the can, and it was running
down and puddling at his feet. i couldn't tell if he noticed the puddle (i was not really in a
postion to say anything, seated as i was)...were his leggs straddling the puddle, or just
stretching out to avoid it? i became very depressed and sad at being a human man.
Bathrooms no longer bring joy.
AND THEY EXPECT ME TO BE HAPPY HERE?
[Beck says]
that we all have fantasies about grabbing peoples feet/leggs/ankles while they are on the toilet (see below), that the main difference is that "sane" people don't actually do these things.
Well, what she actually said is that "sane" people "don't tell anyone" these fantasies.
So much for the website.
Friday, June 21, 2002
[i am jack's theiving identity]
| Welcome to Yahoo! fallufius
|
|
Thursday, June 20, 2002
[public toilets are fun?]
I just got up from a *very busy* day of work, to find relief in the mens restroom. it's not as vulgar as it sounds.
I have to admit though, when i made the approach to the urinal, and saw those feet from under the wall of the "stall"...i just got this insane urge to reach down there, grab the belt, or pants or whatever and just start pulling with all of my might.
Can you even imagine the look on my poor coworkers face? sitting quietly on the toilet one moment, and then the next being attacked by some deranged lunatic, trying...to do what, god only knows?
I think it would be a true moment of freedom for all of us.
Well, the bright side is that i resisted these urges...most of them. the one i could not refuse was the sink.
There are two sinks in this mens room. sitting side by side on the most deluxe chromium counter you have ever seen. ol' lefty as we like to call him had a sign taped up that very clearly says "DON'T USE!"
And well, the reason for this is pretty obvious. these sinks kind of look like standard kitchen sinks, and have a swiveling spout. thing is, lefty's spout is completely unscrewed and lying in the bottom of the sink like a broken arm.
Which leaves only the spout...sticking straight up into the air. i know this probably seems obvious by now, but the thought occurs to me, "i wonder if they were stupid enough to leave the water on ol' lefty."
sufficiently distracted from attacking the guy in the stall, i march over and grab both of lefty's on-off levers in each hand. one hot, one cold, you pull 'em down and you are off!
which of course i do.
Man I have never seen water shoot out like that out from anything not outside, like a hose or firehydrant or something. water is shooting up literally over my head, and hitting the mirror on the wall behind the sink. it's not shooting "straight" up like a hose, but more a "current vortex" like a tornado, or hurricane, some weird spiral spray i have never experienced before. lucky it did not hit me directly...which was really meaningless ultimately.
Being a good employee with a positve attitude, i attempted to return the two levers to their upright position. this, however did nothing to stop the verticle torrent in front of me.
Nearly covered in water, i took a step back to analyze my situation.
I looked over and realized that the water was beginning to reach the feet of the guy on the toilet. this provided to be the final straw. my work here was done. maybe permanently.
I left the restroom, walked quietly and quickly over to my desk, sat down and put on my sweater.
While smiling sheepishly at Jimmy, I realized that i still had to take a piss.
[dr peepers]
Fallufius: i mean...is it still spraying?
Fallufius: and don't you think the guy in the stall probably saw you?
Fallufius: coz whenever i'm on the pot i can see out no sweat
nicka: what?
nicka: you are looking *out* when you're on the crapper?
nicka: what, do you talk to people too?
nicka: "Hey, rob, it's me, Fallufius! How you doin?"
Fallufius: no
Fallufius: but there's like an inch of space between the door and the door frame
Fallufius: and it's easy enough to peer out
nicka: and *in* i would guess huh, Mr. Fallufius?
Fallufius: if i suddenly heard a great swooosh of water, damn straight i'd be looking out
Fallufius: well no, on the in thing
Fallufius: but enough of this
nicka: well i'd rather attack toilet dwellers than be some fuckin pepper, man.
Fallufius: pepper?
nicka: err: peeper
nicka: LMAO
nicka: I'm a PEEPER, You're a PEEPER
Fallufius: you peppering tom
Fallufius: lmao
Fallufius: dr peeper...creepy
[jezebel]
I went outside for a cigarette.
Something i don't do anymore. but that's beside the point. the point is that standing outside the corporate structure can be a frightening place. people walk out of the building but they don't leave that structure. they smile alot ('cause they been *practising*), they don't make waves, or if so, in whispers. you want a circus freak?
Speaking of which. the great galvini has put something up that bears witness. if that boy don't get his stuff published somewhere, i swear on Jimmy's mother's grave that i will feed his brain to the dogs; where at least we know it will finally do some kind of good. yeah, so much for the motivational speaker career move.
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
[confessions]
I think i have some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder.
this, at least is the feedback i have gotten throughout my life. comments like "if you would just put that to good use...!" well, dad, keep reading. the army grows.
I have a compulsion with motorcycles.
I shop for them, i work on them, i ride them, i love them.
just today i see this on our friend and neighbor www.craigslist.com:
|
1969 Honda Dream |
|
This motorcycle is in very good shape. It needs a new motor or the old one repaired. |
Well, i think that some things need no comment.
But other things definitely do, and that is, after all, why we are here.
We are all waiting for the old boss man to walk in and start shooting everyone. yes, he is that kind of person. and since i am obsessing on Fight Club lately...I'll let you read what we all both secretly hope, and fear:
|
"I'd be very careful who I talked to about this, cos whoever wrote this is dangerous, and this buttoned down, oxford-cloth psycho could just snap at any moment and stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-180 carbine gas-operated semiautomatic pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you know. Someone very, very close to you." |
As it turned out...today there was this really loud noise; the kind of noise you cannot readily identify. it is amazing how many sounds you can actually recognize. i guess the word stems: "to know again." so you can *know* what a filing cabinet slamming shut sounds like. you have heard it before. a door slamming, heavy books falling down on a desk, or computer monitor. even the sick slap of human flesh meeting pavement. these are recognizable sounds.
And so when you hear a loud noise, an unkown sound. you look at your neighbor and you assume the worst.
|
Jimmy: Jesus! I thought for a minute that was [old boss man] coming back to "pay his respects!" Me: No kidding, I thought the same thing! I can see it right now! |
And then i quote the line to him from memory. the line from Fight Club that i just posted above.
|
Jimmy: (Eyes wide, browse furled) What the fuck is wrong with you, son? Me: nothing. Jimmy: You should'na say that kinda shit. Me: Well, it's from a movie. Jimmy: I don't give a god damned, now! You call that shit entertainment? Won't be so god damned funny when psycho billy-bob, here comes a-callin'! (that's the old boss man.) Me: Yeah, I guess you are right. Good thing they emailed us the security guard's cell phone number. Jimmy: You really ain't that bright are you, college boy? Me: Well... Jimmy: Well? Well, what you suppose they pay that ol' boy? ten, Leven dollas an 'our? Me: yeah, maybe. Jimmy: Well do you think for even a second...some psycho fuck-head comes in here, starts shootin'...you think that muthafuckers runnin' in *here*. Me: Jimmy: Hell no! I'll tell you what. There's only a coupla places that old dog is gonna be seen runnin'. Runnin' out for lunch, runnin' to get paid, and *maybe* runnin' to the toilet. But that decrepit son of a bitch will definitely *not* be runnin' into a dangerous situation. Me: Jimmy: Gawd damn boy. You gotta *think*. |
[an (un)fortunate turn of events]
A friend of mine has...recently...sent me...(god, how do i say this?)
Has sent me pictures of their girlfriend.
Naked pictures.
How does this happen? this must surely be an Internet thing. no one *ever* sent me naked pictures of their girlfriend before. show me? okay *maybe* but *sent* them? never!
and now, here there are, in all their digital glory. now when we talk about her all i have to do is to pull up the full page, color, glossy prints...and i no longer have to imagine what she looks like. and jesus *imagine*. imagine if that was you for a second. maybe it is you. how do you feel? how do i feel?
how do you feel reading this? CLOSE YOUR EYES!
oh fukit. we are all naked all the time. we should show off more. we should be proud. we should be proud that some person thinks we are sexy enough to share our images in public. we should do this with everyone we know. take naked pictures of friends and family!
Hell, send me your photos of naked loved ones right now, and i'll put them up here for all of us to appreciate and love!
nicka: hey did you know that my great grand mother could crush a walnut in one hand?
JG: um, no
JG: but i'm duly impressed
nicka: well, you should try it sometime....it's like a golf ball.
nicka: austrian anger, man.
JG: i have tried it, actually...have done it a couple times
nicka: well, *that's* not going in the blog.
JG: lol
JG: no
JG: guess it wouldn't
JG: i'll be flattered if i make your blog early on
[how's that working out for ya?]
Well, i've been sitting here for 30 minutes trying to remember what i was going to say. how pathetic. i had a thought in my head from the moment i woke up and now i can't come up with it?
Why do i mention waking up all the time? it's because it is the single most traumatic event of my day. somtimes that is good, sometimes that is bad, comparatively.
Today i woke up slowly, with the low level rage. it named itself for me. that's why i put it in bold. it is the invisible force that propels me through this life. that thing that makes me hillarious, the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning, the thing that makes me plot evil against my neighbors. it is in all of us.
you can see it everywhere. look at how people drive. they are angry. it would take only a nudge to push them over the edge.
That's why i've decided to build an army.
[following section deleted for security reasons]
Because you can't be too careful these days. remember our good friends in the Michigan Militia? well, some us actually *had* friends there you know.
| defending liberty
|
|
...stands firmly on the side of God and Country. We hold that every citizen has a duty to defend his/her self, family, community, and State from any threat that may arise. Organized along county lines, the MMCW offers many opportunities for you to become involved in the continuing struggle against tyranny. |
well, if you consider Bush's war, and general war-mongering and assasination bent "daddy's war is my war" attitude, and [insert your personal-low-level-rage-quotient(tm) here]. you start to interpret the "Michigan Militia Wolverines" statement in a new way...one that can be very useful.
especially when building an army.
Momma wanted me to be a preacher. truth is i would rather be Tony Robbins, gland problems and all; instead i grow up, experience my personal-low-level-rage-quotient(tm), build an army, blow shit up...go to jail and/or die.
Sorry mom.
Tuesday, June 18, 2002
[Disputes my ass]
I'll give you a godamned dispute:
"What's the difference between a Redneck and a Hillbilly?"
Me: The difference is that Rednecks can work white collar jobs and Hillbillys cannot.
Jimmy: Hey, that's not true (in his southern drawl)! Look at Jethro Bodine.
[in case you don't know who the fuck that is, it's the guy from the "Beverly Hillbillies"]
Me: Wha?
Jimmy: Yeah, in the movie he worked at the bank. Don't you remember?
Me: the *movie*?
Jimmy: He and Ellie Mae used to commute in that old car, down to the bank.
Me: You're kidding.
Does anyone remember this movie? would you admit it if you did?
that's what i thought.
But see, that Jimmy. that's how he is, you know. I was just thinking about him, and this god-forsaken thing that i am doing here.
Did you know i changed his name? now why would i do that when i won't even protect my own identy, or hell, the identity of people that actually get abused?
Well, i don't have an answer, but if one comes i'll let you know. i promise.
Working with Jimmy has been a real good experience. it's nice to sit next to someone who has very limited knowledge of the Internet, IRC/Chat, the web, social politics, and discrimination issues...not to mention what we actually *do* there. in a word, it's a hoot.
Literally riotous entertainment. but i'll tell you more about that later.
Monday, June 17, 2002
As my momma always used to say, "Never ignore the screaming."
Well, i did and now the car has marks to show for it.
Amazed at what the mind can do, tune things out, ignore, replace, retry. makes me think that Denial and Fantasy are as real as Good and Evil, lurking about this world.
The dream this time was of the "First Day of School." sounds like one of those scarey anxiety dreams, but it wasn't. it was college.
i could not find my classroom, even though i had this weird blueprint looking map with distinct numbers on it: three "1"s for 'potential' classes that met at that time, meaning the first class of the day.
of course the buildings were insane and confusing and we all just seemed to be wandering around, more enjoying the social hour than anything. which level? fuck it.
girl comes up all glad to see me. like we know each other. just stands in front of me...big grin.
I say uh..."Hi." she says hi, like she is completely comfortable with this bizarre encounter and the silence it contains.
didn't know each other, she was just happy to see/meet/whatever me. which brings me to rule number one:
Only like people that obviously like you.
I used to have a bunch of rules like this, but everyone gets fucked up repeatedly over rule number one. and if you can't get past that, what's the point of even *having* a rule number 2?
so i think i started drinking again.
i helped my neighbor move, which yes. is as fun as it sounds.
then i got the nomination to return the U-haul (tm). which is always a mistake. you know that as soon as you get behind the wheel of one of those ghetto trucks, your life takes an unexpect turn for the worse.
traffic, on an otherwise quiet day gets suddenly insane, they break down, they attempt to commit suicide and leave their crappy lives by driving themselves into things. and if you think i'm kidding, take a look at all of the DO NOT warning stickers on the insides of those things.
i have heard tales of whole fleets of U-haul trucks driving themselves into the ocean...with their passengers safely seatbelted inside. like a pack of orange and chrome lemmings: the Gentle ride suspension, and the lowest deck height in the business, taken in by the sea in a matter of minutes, later to form a reef and be home to thousands of sea creatures.
news flash
Just heard back from beck.
I told her of my (sort of) plan to drop out of this thing and go live in a van.
if i lived in a fan, would you still be my friend?
do chics think that guys who live in fans are inherently
creepy?
Her response:
Van dwellers = "transient," "rapist" "serial killer".
Well, there goes that idea.
[New Entry]
Well, they just fired the Big Nazi boss man.
Unbelievable. I guess if you complain about something long enough, and hard enough, you get results.
Let that be a less on to the mightly George W. Bush Jr..
[forgotten]
Did I mention that while at the U-haul place there was this guy there with a t-shirt that read:
bros before hos
i don't even think i will say anything about that.
Friday, June 14, 2002
I slipped out of a bad dream this morning and into a headache.
so disoriented it took me an hour to realize that i needed some kind of pain killer...and coffee, which i don't have cause i gave that shit up. and cigarrettes which i refused.
gross.
ended up at work...have this vague memory of someone in the car with me. screaming something.
don't remember. i should check out the car.
so at work and barely start waking up when "Jimmy the redneck" my office mate starts in with me.
Jimmy is from the Carolinas. He says the "East Coast" but he ain't foolin' nobody.
brother is from the South, the one that is going to "rise again". I always have a "meeting" when he starts with that stuff.
Jimmy starts today with: Did i ever tell you about Willy?
jesus, does anyone even want to know where this one is going? It's like you are at the top of a hill, and you are looking down. and you realize that you are on a ride, about to start, and you know where this all leads: Downhill. and there is nothing you can do, cause you are too hungover to remember that you have a "meeting" and you gave up coffee like and idiot and so you just sit there mouth open, slack-jawed, fasten your mental safety belt and wait for the ride to start.
I can't remember the beginning of the story, but somehow, Willy, our hero, is outside the school talking about how is going to get some "Scrange."
At this point in the story my consciousness rears it's ugly head and I say, "what?" with emphasis on WTF? or "what the hell is that?"
Jimmy says: "Scrange" is just how he pronounces it.
I of course still don't know what the hell is going on, and have no clue as to what "it" might even be.
But Jimmy, being courteous, explains it to me.
"Scrange" is how he pronounces it.
Blank look.
Jimmy: Willy had an afro. and was from the south.
Blank look.
Jimmy: (leans in for a 'whisper voice') Willy was *black* and *southern* that's how these guys *talk*.
At this point nothing makes sense and I just start laughing like I was about to die.
I figure, fuck it, i must already be dead and this is the last hillarious thing that is going to happen to me. go with it.
so the story goes on. Willy was, evidently a gem of a human being. Jimmy said that on the playground Willy would pull out his "member" and say "watch this." then go over to some unsuspecting kid on the playground and stick said member in the kids ear.
which i guess freaked out the kids. but Willy, being the organized person that he was, would follow up by saying "look, you white cracker. you say anything to anyone and i'll kill ya."
He is probably in management now.
So that's my day so far. now i gotta go and make the toys for the kids.
oh, I am writing a letter to mikeg. stay tuned.
[time passes]
So the letter should be up on mikeg's thing soon. Hopefully we can get some results.
I have lost my mind. IM
Thursday, June 13, 2002
Since mike has been so lame at updating his blog (mikeg.blogspot.com) I have decided to create my own;
Just to have a place to crucify my friends and whatnot publicly and punish the world with my atrocious spelling and grammer.
just to be clear: there are lies on this page. can you find them all?
I have decided that instead of any real content i would just publish some Gems of IM entertainment.
Some names have been changed...so you don't know who they are.
[time passes]
So i bailed on that stupid idea. took way too much time. here's a quick run down:
Talked to mikeg about "Fight Club". That was kinda boring, so i won't put it up here. well, except for the part where mikeg's girlfriend...well i shouldn't get into all that. but here's a bit where he talks about robbing his company:
falluper : ha
falluper : i'm balancing budgets today
falluper : yee hah
falluper : so much fun i can't even tell ya
allthefreakingusernamesaretaken : SKIM!
falluper : man, if i wanted to and was smart enough, i could embezzle thousands of dollars
falluper : luckily i'm neither
allthefreakingusernamesaretaken : you could just take some and go gambling....that way when you win, you can pay it back!
falluper : now that's thinking!
allthefreakingusernamesaretaken : there's a movie in that.
falluper : hmmm...maybe i better do some "research" for this movie
allthefreakingusernamesaretaken : LOL
allthefreakingusernamesaretaken : funny stuff.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
then there's bob.
bob the so called hockey fan and friend has bailed on every Wings game except one.
Maybe the triple overtime was too much for him to handle.
but bob pretends to lead a full life, and so we try not to bum his mellow. we let it slide.
Luckily there is Beque, or Beck, or Becky or Rebecca. So many of my friends have identity issues....Anyway Beck is a true sport, being from Detroit and all. I don't think that she is really much of a hockey fan, but she definitely is tenacious.
maybe that's just the booze.
